not just another first day high..

• im officially back in school!!
• 

.

• we had our first day of classes yesterday in graduate school. (Can you believe it?! GRADUATE SCHOOL! feels weird, still..). last saturday was our general orientation in the Master of Nursing program. i can hardly believe i'm typing this. haha! this is a whole new different experience to me.

.

• yesterday, i woke up very early at 6 am to be in school at 7. 6 is very early to me considering that my usual waking hours is between 8:30 to 10 in the morning since june 3. i have no choice but to pull my silly butt off my bed and take a shower, or a bucket of water shall i say, since neither of our shower or faucets are working since our water tank broke. We were supposed to be in school from 7am to 7pm. What a long day it is! But the first day was spent only on orientation of the course outline and instructions regarding our assignments, the rest of the hours were cut down to mere chikas, catching up on what has been, laughter and a little gossip in between. Ralp, jelai, stephen and i spent most of our time in a room by ourselves and just talking our way as we kill time to wait for the next classes.

.

• we also got our ID's..feels so weird having MAN and not Nursing as placed in the ID.
• • 
• and mind you, it was not only faces that had a big transformation..the graduate school program was another as well. it is a long way compared to what i was used to in college. (Again, it feels sooo weird to say this since it was only last March when it ended and it didn't feel long at all.) Back in "college", we are used to going to school everyday, showing up for exams and school works.

.

• Now that we are on our way to earn a Master's degree, it is very much different. We only show up on saturdays and not even every saturday; only those saturdays wherein we have discussions and/or exams. we will only meet 3-4 times this semester. Assignments will be sent via email and submitted via email as well. What a long way it is, huh?

.

• They call us "adult learners". Independent. I wanted to stick my tongue out in disgust! haha! i was never independent! i always needed a push. But then again, there are deadlines. And i will just have to pretend that those dates can scream at me whenever i am in lazy or super lazy mode. After all, i am one of the servien christi mariae; one of the one- day wonders! hehe..but with 4 subjects and 4 sets of assignments every week, how am i supposed to finish those things? Not to mention all of them needed one of the things i don't like to do--RESEARCH WORK. whew! this is tougher than i expected. by now, you may say, "who told you to take 12 units??!". haha..honestly, i just feel like it..hehehe..just taking advantage of the remaining times when i have the full weeks for months free...in short, being unemployed!!

.

• WEIRD was the feeling of the day. Since our little stint last week when all of the graduate school students were asked to stand while being introduced, i am embarrassed. Embarrassed by the thought that we are the youngest of the brood and almost all of our classmates are our previous clinical instructors! aaahhh!!! i wanna get out of my skin last saturday when we had to stand then all eyes were on us. They may think, "wow..time flies. they're on graduate school now." or "what batch are they?" or "why are they here?"..hehehe! whatever! i am just silently saying that they should be more ashamed since they haven't got their masters when they were still young and vibrant as we are now.. bwahahaha! it's just to tone down the embarrassment thing..

.

• and as i said, weird was the feeling of the day. we met or shall i say, discovered who our classmates are. they are nothing but our previous clinical instructors AGAIN. aaahh! can we get out of our skins, AGAIN? this felt soo weird being in one classroom with your "professor" as another one of your previous clinical instructors. The whole orientation sessions were full of hidden smiles and rambling thoughts. At times, i got lost for a second because a multitude of thoughts came rushing in my little brain.

.

• People have this connotation of taking up a masters degree as something old people do or something you do in preparation to teach. Being surrounded by people older than you, people working in hospitals or have had hospital experience made me feel like a glass half empty instead of half full. my confidence level went down several notches. hehe..having been surrounded with clinical instructors as classmates is intimidating. Its like being a tin can in a sea of pearls; a bottle cap in a set of Harry Winston's.

.

• but then again, a bottle cap is a classic. And a classic never fades..it is only reinvented but it served the same purpose. And it is always on top..hehehe..i have never thought to compare myself to a bottle cap. haha!but i guess this time, i need to tweak myself a little to give way to these challenges and in the end, finish the course with much enthusiasm and determination, if only i can get rid of my lazy butt..hehe! but i'll really try...

.

• i went home tired but i don't know why since we hardly did something. maybe my body has to adjust again with all the hustle and bustle of student life after several months of being a couch potato. hehe..also, not to mention my finger hurts since my calluses are gone and there was nothing to cushion the pen!haha! although i had just written a few bullets just to look "scholarly" enough by not copying the whole thing. hehe! this is what i get from not writing and just typing for the longest time..anyway, these are just minors for the day..

.

• the majors were the realization that i have to rise above my lazy self in order to do this. This will entail much determination and i hope i can develop the right discipline needed for this recent endeavor.

.

• 
• i'm pausing graduate school thoughts and tasks for now..gotta focus first on the things needed for the november board exam on the 29th and 30th..nong don and i had loads to do!

application essay for graduate school

this was my application essay submitted to the program chair of the graduate school, who is Mother Queen, of course..hehe..

.

At first i was submitted 2 sentences but she turned it down and quipped that it has to be 500-word essay. how am i supposed to fit a 500-word essay into a little space in the application form?hehe...peace! nevertheless, here it goes...

.

Over the years, the number of Filipino nurses has increased to more than what people can place on their dinner tables, reflecting our economy and obviously, to more than what our hospitals need. Given this scenario, it is very challenging for a beginner to penetrate easily in the vast world that is 21^st century Nursing.

.

As a neophyte nurse myself, this pose a great challenge for me to practice the profession as it should be, when fused along with the demands of modernization. Thus, the desire to pursue higher education and be a Master’s degree holder became a demand. I believe going to post graduate studies will enhance me as a professional, where continuing education is valued and a part of every step. It will further equip me with what I need to face the battle and in the end emerge to be on top.

.

Working in the health care field is and will never be a joke. The clients need the care and service that they deserve. I consider pursuing higher education in Nursing as one way to give the best and all that you can be to deliver the care that each client ought to have. Also, having a Master’s degree early in practicing the profession will help me maximize its use. It will be deemed useful and beneficial as I take on my professional endeavors.

.

Earning a Master’s degree will also enable to me to work as a specialist in the field of Nursing. I decided on Medical Surgical Nursing as my major. I believe that it will enhance my knowledge on patient care. It will further assist me as I work in hospitals and face different clients with various health care needs.

.

Seeking higher education will also prepare me better for what lies ahead. As Jared Weiss, a life coach, once said, you cannot control how you are perceived; you can only control how you are presented. In five years time, I would want to present myself as a professional nurse having a job suited to fit my values and expertise. By then, I have touched many lives and those same lives will benefit with what I have added to my credentials more than myself. At the same time that I have set my professional career at a jump start, I would also be helping my family. It will only be then that I can say that this will all be worth it.

.

Seeing the trend in nursing nowadays, it comes to a conclusion where you have to strive hard to be at par with others. There is no surer way to get to the top. Waiting for a falling star will take eternity. What is sure now is to find means on how to reach a single star for you to get a close view of the whole constellation. By then, you can start reaching for another one.

.

I believe there will always be a place for me at the top and pursuing higher education in Nursing will take me to a step to attain my own star.

.

By the way, this essay made me a slave to the mother queen..haha! She liked this and made me write a speech for her for a leadership event..toink!

great TV tuesday!

• one tree hill season 6 episode 11 and gossip girl season 2 episode 11 are sooo great!!

.

• i love GG's episode today. it was very sad for me towards the end. i cried again! the episode pointed out the best of families and traditions. I'm glad all of them were back to normal or whatever they used to be. sometimes, it can be hard for people to think that they can be "ordinary and plain" amidst the glitters that are Chanel and Manolos. This time, the episode takes us back to what it used to be "last year" where things are a little bit messed up. i love this episode! so heartwarming..makes me look forward to christmas..and it makes me feel, no, not feel, but imagine the cool new york air..how i wish i can feel it right now,here in the philippines. (sigh)

.

• About one tree hill, my favorite show by far if u haven't known yet, this episode takes me back to the previous seasons as the screenplay takes it to the 1940's. This was written by chad michael murray. and i think it was very creative of him but i gotta say, the resident writers still gets my vote! hehe..a couple of lines can get detached from the whole scene as the scene can get dissociated with the whole episode. like when peyton in blue gown shouts that she needs love, freedom, etc. then twirls around. that was quite a bit cheesy, don't 'ya think?! but hands down to the naley scenes! whoot, whoot! naley scenes never fails to tear me up! hehe..especialy the "always and forever" part. i also love the fact that they have incorporated some tidbits and lines from the previous season, like the part where haley said that the rain made her stay in tree hill. It was actually raining when nathan first proposed to her.

.

• This is one of those those-were-the-days-when episodes wherein you wouldn't get it if you are not a fan. hehe.. i love their dresses and make up and of course the set! i always had a fascination of things that are old and vintage. and when i learned that this week's episode would be set in 1940's, i was surprised, intrigued and very happy at the same time! mixed feelings..hehe! i was also looking forward for the episode that chad wrote so when i learned that it's also this one, it made my excitement overflow! i am such a one tree hill addict that i can ramble about it all day!!

.

• it's good that they have just signed in for a seventh season because i can barely live without one tree hill! it feeds my mind and soul with so much things that lets me reflect on what i am.

.

• AAH! I LOVE ONE TREE HILL, I HEART ONE TREE HILL!!

.

• i just can't LEAVE one tree hill...xoxo!!

plain dumb NOTHING.

• i have been a bore for the past months since i was declared a "professional". I am not even fit to be called one since i don't function as one at all. Nothing's been going on except for the ramblings of my troubled mind,the hullabaloos of my online shop and what's going on between Lucas Scott, Peyton Sawyer, Serena-Dan and the Chuck-Blair thingy every TV tuesdays. (btw, i declared every tuesday as TV tuesdays since i watch my fave shows, shows that feed my mind and soul, every tuesdays.)

.

• Back to the point (of no return), everybody seems so busy and eager to get their careers to a jump start; reviewing for international exams, going to job fairs and even applying for a job at a couple of hospitals. It sometimes frustrates me how indecisive i am when it comes to these things. Until this day, i don't have a clear timetable of what should i do. This is bad. Considering the fate of nurses nowadays, i consider myself last in line, a slow put; a lazy bum! I should have taken steps to get my lazy butt up to practice what i call my "profession" ages ago. I don't know what holds me back so much. But definitely one of the reasons is that i don't have a buddy to hold on to as i take these necessary steps. what if i had bad balance after all? i am afraid to fall down, most of all, i'm afraid to fall on my own.

.

• At times, i get really sad when no one updates me with what's up and about. at times, i feel like people don't even care that i am also needing infos. yes, no one's closer to me than queencie alone among the june takers and she's gone to Med school. maybe this is why i am the last to know. (why do "people always leave"? grr! peyton help me.) i don't blame them for anything. of course you would tend to stick on your own cliques first before going out of the bubble. sometimes, i also tend to do so. it's just depressing that i am alone now.

.

• i really don't know what to do. people keep on asking me what i do or what plans i have. i just tend to smile and say that i will review for nclex. but i'm not really sure when. i have not even applied for eligibility yet. and at times, i refuse to open the site of the california board of nursing.and until now, i haven't opened it yet. this takes me back to the summer of 2004 wherein i haven't decided what to take up in college until the month of may. i used to fake sleep just to get out of bed late and eat my meals earlier than everybody so that i can avoid "the talk". it's not that i don't want this to happen. maybe i'm still waiting for me to be ready; to be ready to finally face what it takes to grow up. Growing up sucks! and most of all, i want a buddy. i always pray that the Lord will help me take the right path and make right decisions and i believe he is leading me through it. i just need to embrace His will fully.

.

• the november takers are about to take their boards in two weeks time. hopefully, jelai would want to accompany me in my plans if they are through. i am rooting for that hope left. that could be my only hope since kai plans to take up dentistry and chessa wants to work first. i on the other hand want to take all exams first before proceeding to work. that is my only plan now.

.

• for the meantime, i am waiting for december 24 and 25 to finish my iv therapy completion requirements. i'm sure i'll be blogging about this unique christmas! i also enrolled myself in graduate school for a master's degree together with ralp, jelai and stephen.

.

• i am never really good with short term goals. i always see myself in the far distant future. i want to work in california, but i don't know where to start. i do all this inquiry to those who have applied for eligibility but i end up doing nothing. No application, no review. I even have no school documents on hand since my thesis was stuck with my research adviser. she is on leave. i didn't even know if she really got it since i just asked the girls to give it to her. all i need is her signature for approval. aarrgh! this is so i-dont-know-what-to-call-so-i-just-scream!

.

• As of the moment, this is it. plain dumb nothingness.

of internet and whatnots

• after i became one of them, or shall i say, another unemployed nurse, the world has left me nothing to do but sulk in the wonder that is INTERNET!

.

• the internet continues to amaze me. i have been an internet user for over 5-6 years now. Quite a little number, but i can tell that it has just got blew me away!

.

• a couple of months ago, i've started to unravel the world of online shopping via Multiply, a supposed social networking site which for me, is a haven of online goodies! From,tops, dresses, bottoms, to books and accessories to even cupcakes! too bad they can't ship those yummylicious cupcakes to iloilo. I have yet to try them. but recently, i came upon a site where choco crispies in different flavors are sold and they also ship anywhere! thinking of it for christmas gifts.. hehe!if, that leaves me enough money on my Gcash account. haha!

.

• After a couple of months looking around temptation, i decided to open an online shop myself. it is for the purpose of getting extra cash since my allowance was cut off since ages ago, and what was left in my wallet was not very well cooperating. so, i became another one of them, internet sellers! yippee!

.

• online shopping became even more fun by then. having my own gcash account made it even more easier to pay and be paid. no cash on hand, just digits on a globe SIM.

.

• online selling paid me 1420 on the first month. and at the same time, i splurged on 1480 worth of books on ebay, the twilight saga series by stephenie meyer. How's that for bankruptcy!

.

• as for the 60 pesos balance, lucky me a buyer will be cashing in the next day. so what i did was deposit 1000 for the books so that i can assure the seller that the books will be for me, and only me!hehe..and also to assure myself that those books are not going anywhere. so the next day, i closed the payment with an additional 480 pesos. the items were shipped right away and came in the next day even if it's a holiday. after a long day of iv therapy training, those books lit me up as well as my firends' since we will be practicing some demos at my house when i opened the package.

.

• before having the tangible books, i came upon the e-book. i never ever thought that i can read books in the internet knowing my preference of a tangible book with neat covers, no dents, no yellow pages and especially no lines on the books spine! but through twilight, i discovered something new. i came upon the e-book and audio book, although the audio book can definitely put you to slumberland. i read the first 2 books through e-book.

.

• now i can really conclude that you can live with internet alone plus a bathroom and a shelter. the internet can dress you up in any occasion, can feed you and can give you limitless recreation. wow.

.

• another internet splurge is the downloadables! i downloaded many movies and almost every episode of one tree hill and gossip girl. i just stopped now with my series downloads since it's crowding my computer space. i just watch it on you tube or surfthechannel.com every tuesdays. what's fun is that you can download hard to find movies; movies that i grew up to as a child that i cannot see now in any channel and definitely nowhere in video shops.

.

• i may sound off and queer but this is so much fum for me, especially when you've got nothing to do, when all your friends are reviewing for the board exam or some international exams, or taking up another course. the internet makes me sane now. it keeps me company as i decide on what to take on now.

.

• plus, it doesn't hurt when a staff from GMA-7's mel and joey orders from you (it was later cancelled though) to be used for an episode and an inquirer reporter emails you for an interview! (though i got to answer it a week later since i haven't checked the email address of my YM account. grr). oh well, what's a close shot to fame than nothing at all?!

.

• my multiply site: http://bubblescrub.multiply.com

.

these are the list of trusted sellers on multiply (i purchased from most of them):

• http://theafrodiety.multiply.com --- where i made my first purchase
• http://sugarsprinkles.multiply.com --- tops and dresses
• http://pasawayandcompany.multiply.com -- tops and dresses
• http://graffities.multiply.com -- unique accessories
• http://viabella.multiply.com -- personalized accessories
• http://oneliners.multiply.com --shirts
• http://sarisaribookstore.multiply.com -- books
• http://getdizlook.multiply.com --tops, bottoms, shoes
• http://vettievet.multiply.com -- my highschool classmate, nikki's sisters's site, clay accessories
• http://comfyandcute.multiply.com -- my cousin's site

from bridesmade to beach babe

August 19, 2008; 12:41 pm At my desk

.

Just had my lunch. (cough! cough!) hay..i’ve been snoozing all day for 2 days now. I’m sick! Ginapatulog gid ko ya sang neozep. Right now, daw ok na gawa since I’ve switched meds yesterday. I also had my first dose of HPV vaccine yesterday. My flu has improved but I think gasugod na ang cough. nagulpihan lang ko guro since I barely had any rest last week.

.

Last Friday I attended my cousin’s wedding. I was one of her bridesmaids (dress#1 and counting…) I remembered 27 dresses while the whole thing was going on. From the look of the groom while the bride is walking to the 27 dresses themselves. it was a nice wedding. Everybody thought we would all cry but thank god the speeches were just light to the ears, and eyes! I for once looovve weddings and I even cry during one. Well, being a drama queen doesn’t come from my experiences but it runs in the entire family blood! Bingit kami tanan, in short.

.

It’s really good to see a wedding wherein you really know the couple and had witnessed their relationship even for a short time. Being here in Iloilo doesn’t allow me to spend most of my time with them. But it was my first time to attend a wedding where I really feel close and i really enjoyed my time and not just barely imagining myself as the bride.

.

I came home Sunday afternoon just in time to unpack then pack anew for our boracay trip the next day. Nagpuli lang ko di para manghimos. No kidding. That is really the reason why I came home..hehe! I can go with them first trip on Monday galing la pa ko ka himos so nagpuli ko una.

.

Boracay was fun! It was also modern and expensive. Hehe.. we were like a bunch of tourists on our oversized sunglasses and flip flops who do not know how to get about the island! Mga manol! The last time I was there was like 6-7 years ago. There was no port and the only way to get to station 2 is to ride a bangka then arrive on the beachfront itself. Now, we rode a fastcraft and arrived on a port where mini vans await to bring you to your destination. We even walked a block since the car can’t pass thru a street going to the beach. Hay, boracay! After 5 hours of travel, gutom2 na kami..hehe! we arrived at around 3:30. Anyways, I had fun with my cousins. Our second cousin from austrailia and his friend also came along with us. Kasadya sang friend ya kay daw na amaze gid sya sa mga little things that is so pinoy. Hehe! And oh! I love my name on aussie accent!! Lingaw gid ko ya sa conversations nila with all the aussie slangs! I just love accents! And one thing I also realized even when I was still in bacolod is that I can’t live without accessories. Daw matunaw ko if can’t wear one. Miskan relo lang na basta may gakabit sa wrist ko and/or my ears and/or my neck..hehe!

.

Would you believe una pa ang crocs store sa boracay rather than in Iloilo? Hehe! Sosyal nga isla! Pro indi gid ta to kakadto without a handy parent..hehe..la may ma finance sa aton. Taga hulag mo bayad!

.

I got cornrows there. We also went snorkeling. I am really mother nature’s baby ever since so I really, really love the wonders of nature that’s why I’ve always wanted to snorkel. Oh my! I can do that all day! One hour in the water is not enough for me to see those corals and swim with the little fishes. Nami2 gd ya!!! I was afraid at first that the fishes might nibble or bother me pro wala man..it’s as if ur swimming in a giant aquarium. It’s a must try!! Ma extend pa kami tani one day galling la man kaapas ang isa ko ka cousin so puli kami by Wednesday. BITIN!

.

A little time off in bacolod and boracay is what’s best for me since I was feeling so alone in the last couple of weeks. It really sank into me when I came home after the 2h reunion. I literally cried to sleep because I was feeling some sort of this madness that I never imagined would hit like this.

.

I was in a people-always-leave mode. Alone. Lonely. Subo. I was questioning myself what am I doing why people always leave when I get so attached to them? I know it’s not my fault but I just don’t know why it always happens. Only this time, the leaving is not total. I just feel alone. La ko d upod sa balay and whenever I wanted to go out, sin-o updon ko? Wala gyapon.

.

I just missed those times badly when queencie & I are going on reviews while I can still say hello to the rest of the world. Right now, ako naman bilin sa tabtaban. Hehe. Ga-ileskwela sila tanan. Ako ya ga couch potato. At least all of them have companies that is so close to the servien spirit. Ako ya? Yab-ok pirme tubang ko di.

.

I just feel nga daw la gid ko ya upod. Wala man may gatxt sa akon. Chat lang eh.. kami ni nang kim last tym halos everyday kag kis-a c flora. The fact that la ko upod mag pa PRC or other professional matters makes me feel more like a “loner”. Feeling ko ako nlng gapangita kun sin-o updon ko. But still, the fact that you’re in doesn’t mean you’re accepted. or you belong. May lain man na cla ya nga world after this. Nagpahagad nlng ko gani kay nang kim last time if they have plans for nclex review kay feeling ko lumutan lang ko d la my masapak sa akon.

.

Maybe, just maybe, this is one of the reasons why I don’t want friends to take a second course. So that we could trek the road together?? Ambot. Nag tuhaw mlng sa conscious mind ko one time. Pro indi guro ah. Super evil na ya for me to become possessive. Hehe…it’s really the additional studying that so eew! I love learning but I never liked studying.

.

Sometimes I think that what if it’s my time to “leave”? will I be of a greater loss??

.

You see, this is why I don’t want to be hard on myself because I can get pretty nasty and I could affect my own esteem. I am a very reflective person but sometimes, its just too much nga ga buangit na ko. I guess I just need some social time and cut off some alone time with me, myself and i.

.

As I reflect on this, being alone and left alone is also a reason my I want a boyfriend. It may sound silly for me saying this and I feel silly saying this but I know I want to have one. I am quite confident of my needs, wants and desires and I think a love life is the missing piece. It has been 20 long years pro wala gid gya gyapon. Not even a speck of dust in the whitest paper. I know I’m still young and only time can tell but I’m starting to think that love won’t happen. No one had ever courted nor noticed me. Miskan pabatyag mlng wala gd. Mayo na ya ang iban nga NBSB since ila gd ya decision not to have one even if a queue of boys is waiting. They could really have one. All they have to say is yes. Ako ya? Alone in the dark… alangan mamakal ko laki? Eew. Not that desperate!

.

It may seem a joke pro I just want someone who would be my bestest best friend who would never leave. I just want someone who could cheer me up and give me company. Some would say that I have family and friends who would. I know that. But it’s not forever that they could perk me up. And, I just can’t imagine being an old maid and dying a virgin. Hahaha!!

.

For so long, I wanted my life to be patterned on movies and novels. I always wanted to be the girl who got the perfect man and live the best life. I wanted “something wonderful.” This made me very idealistic and cynical on almost everything. This might be the reason why at times I refuse to believe that this is how the world goes; this is what love is now as opposed to the medieval times. By know, u have known that I have high standards for life itself that’s why u always caught me complaining. Hehe. I am always envious of people who have found love while I lie blank.

.

I am not in a hurry since I have only been ready for only a short time now. But what plays in my mind is the dreaded “what ifs”. What if no one will ever show me love and what it’s all about? What if I’ll never have my perfect man and live the best life? What if there is no “something wonderful”?

.

Let’s face the fact that I am unattractive and/or intimidating. And unlucky me, Shallow Hals outnumber Lucas Scotts or Dan Humphreys. I am starting to get hard on myself and I don’t want this to go further. It may seem like my bestfriends are the hotties and I’m the nottie. (you see how movies get to me?! Hehe) No one could blame me for being hard on myself. I am in a worse scenario. I am starting to enter the life of a single woman. Starting with chapter 1—people can’t stop to ask if u have a boyfriend. Chapter 2- always a bridesmaid never a bride. Chapter 3, anyone? Huhu..indi ko ya mag la-on!

.

I believe in destiny, soulmates, serendipity and all things love but skeptical as me, will it ever happen in real life? Will my ideals transform into teeny bits of reality?

.

People always ask when will the right man come along? as for me, the question remains the same, will just a guy ever come along??

what it means to finally get it

As it finally half-sank into my system, i rambled through the internet to find my name, now, as a nurse.

.

# 25465 Te, Hazel Joy Uy

.

• The first thing that came to my mind was to check if the spelling was correct. and it was! whew! as i looked at our passing percentage, sudden flashes of memory came into my mind. from our review sessions, to our night prayers to the boards itself. i can’t help myself from tears of joy. Our efforts finally paid off! our prayers were all answered.

.

• I can’t stop looking at my name. It felt really good to see it right there. it never looked better. hehe! this is the real stat valv moment!

.

• The feeling was just surreal. we needed this. and i know, we really deserved it. from the disaster that was junior year, who might think that we were able to bring the bang?! all those hurt and lessons learned paid off.

.

• i am also happy that we did it because it was also for our clinical instructors. this is a gift to us as it is for them. speaking of gifts, i have 2 classmates who celebrated their birthday during the release of the result. what a great gift to franz and kenndy!

.

• it is really the four years of foundation and hard work that brought us here and not one review center can ever say that they were the ones who made the students pass the boards. we didn’t get any review center but we all passed. we didn’t get one because it was expensive. we will pay twice the fee of the review and in-house package without the review center if we will get one. We got individual reviewers from manila for some subjects but it was really our clinical instructors who built the bulk of what we knew.

.

• it was then that i realized that they taught me to be what i am now. ms gotico taught me to believe in my prayers and aspirations as what she said when she was our proctor during one of the exams in my second year. and indeed, believing was powerful. it made my fears fade and i regained hope. i also remembered ms. cormary asked me a couple of times if i’m gonna be cum laude or why i didn’t get to be one. so i thought, she must have really believed that i can and it means a lot that to have someone believe in you even if you have lost the battle and have accepted it a long time ago. and i know she really believed in us and had defended our batch especially when we were much wounded. together with some of our clinical instructors, they never let go.

.

• i never got into what nursing is until my sophomore year. and it was sir servidad who showed me what it really is during my first real clinical exposure at the surgical ward in SPH. i was really inspired and saw how fulfilling this is. i was lucky enough to learn to love nursing that early. we all had fun during that shift! and of course, his better half, ms timay.. words cannot define how thankful i am to have her as a mentor and a friend. i’ve told her my thanks in our diary but still, it was not enough. but it’s better that i’ve expressed my thanks than nothing said and done. hehe! sir vargas was also very selfless as our review coordinator. he was with us all the time. we felt that he did everything for our own good. and i can never forget the time when we were all in tears when he expressed his confidence that we will get 100% passing and that he only prayed twice for a 100% passing; one was for the june 2006 and one for us.

.

• these people may not know this but i wish our 100% passing was enough to bring fulfillment and much affirmation for the good things we shared for the past 4 years.

.

• and for my batchmates, the servien christi mariae 2008, we finally did it. we have been through one hell of a time but we finally proved to the world that we’re not called SCM for nothing. i just know in my heart that some people do not believe in what we can, in what i can, but this is an affirmation to them. gone are the days that we look like trash to people. we are after all, stronger and better. if were not strong enough, we wouldn’t be able to redeem ourselves from our cheating incident. if were not better, we wouldn’t be able to learn lessons in books and life. if we were not strong, we would not have gone through capping, graduation, ring and pin ceremony and through the grueling review classes and the 2-day board exams. if we weren’t better,we would not be called paulinians. and lastly, we are not called servien christi mariae 2008 if we weren’t stronger and better!

.

• we are the batch who made history, and will continue to make even more marks into the lives of people. one goal..one family!

.

• as i reminisce what i’ve been through, i put a smile on my face. nursing made me the person that i wanted to be. this is what i want to do. my love of reflections and life was captivated as i meet new people, hear different stories of happiness and poverty, experience stress beyond what is imaginable and learning to stand strong. my 4 years in nursing was not always waking up to beautiful mornings (but often sleeping in one, haha!). yup, it was so hard but i never gave up. i know i was on the right path.

.

• all of this is not possible without divine intervention. i prayed more than i’ve studied. it always works for me. hehe! the board exam experience made me stronger in all aspects. this is again, an affirmation that prayers are very powerful. the lord heard all of our prayers. and i know he gave this grace to us because he knows we all deserve it. what i am spiritually is between me and Him. he was my source of light, wisdom and strength throughout all this. my heart was His, my mind was His and my hands were His as i answered 500 questions that made me. i can never thank Him enough.

.

• this has been a fulfilling journey for me. as i begin a new one as a nurse, i know the lord will still be with me..even if i’m going to be unemployed for a long time…even if im not going to be a nurse in another country for a longer time..hehe!

.

• "We’re more than a name or face in the crowd, this is the time of our lives"
• –David Cook, Time of our lives

.

• as i said, if this is what they call bliss, i’ll do this all over again in a heartbeat!

.

august 2008

the day i became one of them

announcing to the world that i am now a nurse!!!

.

july 24, 2008, 8 something-ish in the evening:

.

• mama was calling me hurriedly and excitedly. i thought there was some colored-feathered bird or an amusing creature who entered our kitchen. (really, what the heck was i thinking?!) then she told me that the results of the board exam was out! oh my god..oh my freakin’ god! my system began to tremble..i was at a state wherin i did not know what to do..my mind was full of ringing noises and distorted pictures. i think i forgot to breathe at that second! i hurriedly listened to the radio as Bombo Radyo was about to announce the result. they were about to announce my life!

.

• i was not able to get much sleep that day since i stayed up late the night before (not to forget on the 20th) in anticipation that they’ll release it on the midnight of the 24th. little did i expect that it will be released that night!

.

• i let my brother get my phone as i ran to browse the internet. i was in the living room watching Married Away, a new show, when my adrenaline rushed. 2 messages. 1 was from queencie, she said she needed something..i never got to finish it! i skipped to the other one from my high school friend, edrex. "Friend, congrats! RN ka na..100% daw st pauls tapos daw may nakasulod sa top 10." as i read this, part of me is saying, no! u can’t finish the message. u cannot just believe a text. you have to prove it yourself. then a part of me is saying, "i am a nurse. I AM A NURSE!! FINALLY! we all are!! 100% kami!!"

.

• then i logged on to yahoo messenger. nang kim was online. she’s my buddy as we await the results. we chat in order to keep our eyes wide. i told her and the people at home that somebody texted me that we got a 100% passing in the NLE! and one was in the top 10. and i’m still in denial! i won’t believe it until i, myself heard it. she told me that was jeff, he is in the top 8. as i knew of it, i was so happy and proud of him. he deserves it more than anybody i know. kudos jeff!

.

• we chatted for a while. this was the real stat valvuloplasty moment! my hand were cold, my breathing gets deeper by the minute and my guts are twisted hard, and hard, and hard. i was super nervous and nauseated by then..i got misty eyed. still, every fiber of my being is trembling in anticipation.

.

• 100%???? it lingered in my mind but still i won’t believe it. i clarified to edrex how he got the news. it was in bombo radyo, he texted back. by that time, i was texting "bombo fm service hazel joy u. te st. paul university iloilo" to 29765 as directed so that they can say my name on air if i passed. i swear my fingers felt so numb that i didn’t know if i was typing it correctly! i also informed queencie about it but no reply from her.

.

• i checked the internet. nothing. no updates yet. PRC website, BON website, inquirer, nursing crib, my email address..all had nothing for me! at this point, i was pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. half of my attention was on the radio. half was on the internet. and yes, i tripped several times as i went back and forth. i felt like my knees were locked and my feet numb! i couldn’t even say what i was feeling. i mean, i was confident that we will make it but still, possibilities are possibilities.

.

• i transfered my laptop in the kitchen where papa was listening to the radio. luckily, the announcer was saying that the results are in just as he turned on the radio. i always knew that there’s an advantage in my part out of papa’s habit to listen to the radio every morning, noon and night even if i’m quite irritated sometimes. so i was sitting there, with my laptop, still chatting to nang kim, listening to updates on the radio, with my webcam video on and still trembling. i wanted to capture my reaction as i pass the boards so i turned on the video.

.

• minutes later, it was time. several schools were announced. one of them was SPUI. i did not care what are the other schools, my attention was only narrowed to st paul university iloilo and hazel jou u. te. so ok, the schools were mentioned.."AND THEY HAVE A PASSING RATE OF…100%!!"

.

• i just yelled. i yelled yes! and held my hand up high in victory. not 5 seconds later, i was in tears. i sent a message to nang kim and queencie saying that the news is confirmed. my tears kept flowing, and it was captured in the video! yikes! after it was announced that we got 100%, i did not bother to listen anymore. it felt like my ears were not functioning. that was all i needed to hear. i just needed to hear that we got 100% then i can give a sigh of relief. first, i was a limp, now i am deaf! this is how the news got into my nerves! haha! minutes later, my name was on air following nang kim’s. i just said YES! again..

.

• after that, numerous text messages and calls arrived. fans!.. they never fail to support..haha! friends texted and most relatives from bacolod called. the phones just kept ringing. we were exchanging phones minutes later. news do have wings! i was just in tears that night. the joy was overflowing. we couldn’t believe this is happening! at last we did it! our batch has been through the worst and now, we have proven to the world that we are and we can!

.

• mama then mentioned how is ms timay now that we all passed. i texted her then and congratulated her. after a while, she called me on my cell. that was the time i really cried. she is very dear to our batch and a friend to the royalty girls. i just cried the while time she congratulated me and told me she is so happy. she confirmed that jeff is in the top 8. she told me that since the beginning, she never doubted that we will make it. we are different. that got me into super tears. her call really meant a lot to me.

.

• jessica also called. i also cried. hehe. as i heard her say congratulations, i was reminded of the november board takers. they are the next to follow our footsteps and i just know that they, too, will make it. the support that they have given to us was undeniably felt by every june taker. i was also touched that a lot had my number and remembered to congratulate me. this made me even happier.

.

• early that afternoon, i don’t know what got into me but i took the BP readings of people at home. little did i know that that was my last as a student nurse. i think this is really where i am meant to be. this is what i want to do.

.

• we prayed the rosary in thanksgiving that night.

.

• i was not able to sleep until about 3 am and woke up at 6:45. i was half asleep the whole time! i woke up with a headache from last night’s crying. that day, we went to school to be reunited again. this time, as new nurses. we were very elated. we were screaming, laughing and joking around the whole time. we went there to thank our clinical instructors, staff, personnel in the school and hospital who contributed to our new self. we also attended our noon mass at sto. nino chapel.

.

• after the mass, we congratulated each other. then somebody yelled, si mother queen niyo! my neck stretched so hard until i saw ms. timay’s head. i went up to her and smiled. then she reached out to hug me. there was something in her hug which drove me to tears, again. i don’t know why but i just cried. after that, we took some pictures and talked a while. we had lunch with her at shakey’s after our short talk. she treated us!(which was not planned of course) hehe..

.

• later that afternoon, we attended the nursing assembly at school. an ABS-CBN cameraman was there to take a short video clip of us. too bad i was not able to see it in TV patrol iloilo. the whole nursing body stood up in applause as we went up the stage. we were quite shy at first, but who cares? we passed the board exam! after 5 years, SPUI got a 100% passing again. the crown is back at its throne..hehe!

.

• we shouted our goal again. but this time, we passed it on to the rest of the paulinians who are aiming to affix the letters "RN" to their names. WE passed to them our goal which is "to pass and top the board exam!"

.

• this day was surreal. i just never stopped smiling. everybody is happy. everybody is satisfied.

.

• june 26: my name was on the national papers! for the first time!yahoo!

.

• at long last, i became one of them.

.

• if this is what they call bliss, i am willing to do this all over again!

.

july 29, 2008

just waiting in vain..

i’m waiting in vain for the board results, for love, for one tree hill S6 and gossip girl S2..

we thought the results would be in last july 20 but it did not come. i was anxious the whole day for nothing! this morning, papa was about to run to surf the net but he heard the wrong thing on bombo radio. it was the architecture boards that came out, not nursing. (haha!)

as for love, it was and still is a blank page. as in white blank page with no specks of the littlest dust around.

onetreehillblog.com is making me want OTH more! the spoilers are making me drool! peyton was the one who answered the call? one main character will be back and one character will be out? quentin died? nanny carrie’s back? i can’t wait much longer! let september come..please!

my everyday is a bore! but it still is better than loading myself in some school stuff i can’t even decipher! i love learning but i never liked studying. it has been exactly 1 month and 20 days that i haven’t drowned myself on study materials and i haven’t changed my mind on saying that not being a student is great, except for the no allowance thing since i rarely go out of my castle tower. hehe! i can never imagine myself saying that life is better if you’re a student..but let’s just see..

july 21, 2008

confessions of a zuma addict

• i’m currently into zuma deluxe, a computer game which is driving me nuts! i got hold of this last year but it’s just now that i’m addicted. this is just a result of not being in school and swimming into complete boredom!

• i don’t know but it’s the first thing that comes into my mind when i’ve got nothing to do. it’s the last thing on my mind before i get to bed. hehe! maybe it was because i want to finish a stage badly. and i just did! after 1 week of sitting in front of the compuet and clicking the mouse like it was no tommorow, i passes stage 9 yesterday!! i was so happy. it may seem cheesy since i never got hooked into computer games before. nintendo wii came so close but still zuma got my hands tied.hehe..i am playing the game everyday that last week i wore my clear glasses to fight the glare of the computer. my eyes are tearing whenever i play it so i wore my glasses. i just use it for fashion anyway if i’m feeling geeky since it has no grade. and now, it’s my zuma glasses..hehe! im such an OA freak!

• i have this funny "catch phrase", as my brother would have called it. whenever i throw the wrong colored ball into the wrong row, i would scream , "aah! aw! marimar, marimar!" with an apprehensive tone!haha..but still our house help got the best "catch phrase". she says, "ay pukik bigaon!" sorry for the language. then my brother would say, she really owns that catch phrase, no one says it but her. then we bursted into laughter that she couldn’e concentrate anymore. it was also her that we played last year. we screamed hard during her every move so that she would startle and throw the wrong colored balls..hahaha! we’re evil!

• she is addicted more than i am. she dreams of zuma. she bathes thinking of those colored balls and she even had a hard time going to sleep the other night! gosh!

• as for me, i am at the last temple and i decided to go slow for now. i’m reserving the last three stages as i stay awake to wait for the board exam resuts. july 20 is the tentative date. i’m just gonna play zuma while waiting to divert my nervousness..hehe!

• can’t believe my life will be determined in one week!! whoo! kulbaan na ko…hala..but i still believe the board results will be a reward for all of us..

• aaahhh..don’t know what to think anymore..hala, paano ni man?hehe..

july 8, 2008

oh frank! what have you done?

• recently, iloilo was devastated by a visitor named typhoon frank. never in my wildest dreams did i thought that this would occur. it was the first time that this happened to iloilo. lucky us, we were in the city so the flood was not as high as those in jaro or other towns.we also had a slight trouble with some leaks in the ceiling and water coming in on the ground floor and the roofdeck which caused a waterfall in the stairs.(hehe)

• lives were lost and properties were damaged. amidst all these i am very thankful that we are safe. we are together in one home as a family and no one got extremely affected. i am still praying for the victims that they may have stength and the same faith that they can get through this.

• meanwhile, it was weird for me since i got up, there was a heavy rain, the road id already flooded and it was the first time that i did not even worry if i’ll go to school or not. this is the first june that i’m not in school. mixed feelings. but happy in the end.

july 8, 2008

aligi syndrome

dear aligi, u gave me lightheadedness for 2 days that i devoured your tasteful, juicy goodness out of the crab shells like it was no tomorrow. thank god you and your shell of a company bacame rancid by day 2 or else, i have continued eating you and cause myself an aligi syndrome; a complex feeling of craving not affected by lightheadedness or dizziness.

signed, hazel — someone who will still eat you if available.

hibernation after the long years of hard work is enjoyable! i’m gonna get lean and fat into my system!yahoo!

till here..gotta eat my shake shake McNuggets+fries+coke float… june 6, 2008

it ended.

this marked the end of the road.

• i just finished my board exams yesterday. it has been quite a while that we’ve been preparing for this thing that will define what we’ll be months from now. may tears were shed. more laughs were heard and even more prayers were answered.

• prayers do work in tremendous ways. it was my ally during the preparation and the test itself. it was the Lord who gave me wisdom, confidence and strength which made me take the test calmly and made me choose rational choices.

• at this point in time, i still can’t believe that i have just taken 500 questions in 2 days which will make or break me. but i still believe that we will make it a hundred percent. there are many affirmations for our 100% passing that has been said and seen, especially the rain. it rained on almost all special events of our batch..i prayed that the Lord will show us the meaning of it and i guess rains just remind us that he is there pouring out his blessings.

• we have been reviewing since november 2007 and we went for an in house review last May. the preparation made me realize that i have a very poor study habit which is not even structured. (haha!) i never liked studying but once i start, fascination almost always take place. thank God! there were a lot of funny moments during our in house review. i will never forget getting up to exercise and jog along the study hall together with jerly, queencie and kwini just to combat the impending melatonin toxicity. every body would just then laugh!

• the exams had been tough. we expected many things that did not came out. not even a single question or even a word. unfortunately, some of the things that came out did not even came in our minds. we just resorted to a hypothesis; an intellligent guess. (hehe)

• i am anxious of the results but i am still holding on that God will give us the reward of passing the June exams. i know we deserved it.

• i have been waiting for this day since i was a kid that i will never have to stay up late nights doing paperworks and reading tons of concepts. it never felt better! my endorphins are going out of their shells. it has been tough and fun and the memories will live on forever. this was the last day that we have been together and i got teary eyed after our thanksgiving mass. this was the culmination of our four years in college. the friendship was just so overwhelming. i feel that we just don’t share the same batch but we are a family. we are the servien christi mariae 2008 that made a mark in each other’s lives. i am so happy with the overwhelming support of everyone, my family, relatives, best friends, fellow servien, clinical instructors and friends from the lower years. even just a single "good luck, you can do it, we’re praying for you" can drive me to tears the past days. those are the most grueling 500 questions which we should not take for granted. those will make us registered nurses.

• now,as we patiently await the result, may the lord grant us confidence and assurance that we will have a 100% passing in the june nurses licensure examination.

Go servien! love u mucho!

• P.S. what is our goal?? TO TOP THE BOARD EXAM!

june 3, 2008

preparing for what i'll be..

Finally, our intensive review started last april 11. I can’t stand boredom anymore! I was glad that we had to start soon. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I guess I kina missed stress. Hehe!

This summer, we had different reviewers from manila for each subject. As of now, we had 3. And I have learned a lot. Not only nursing stuff but I was very amazed by the mystery and complexity of each person. It was refreshing to see new faces, hear different voices and listen to different experiences.

I was very amused by our reviewers. One was a somewhat weird accented-soft spoken woman, another was a tattooed and bearded big guy who is a techie, a tattoo artist, has published nearly 10 titles and was talking about grin jokes for 2 days. I never heard grin jokes that much in a day! And the latest was a post craniotomy lecturer who is very spontaneous and does not use any powerpoint presentation nor a copy of her topics on hand. Gosh.. How great life is!

I am enjoying our review sessions and I am more inspired to study. Not only because of the key chains as prizes given to the top 5 students for each post test (although I had two already, haha!) but because of the bigger picture. After all what I’ll do this summer will define who I’ll be in 4 to 5 months time..

Pray for me and wish me luck!

april 19, 2008

post-graduation boredom

April 9- after 1 week of boringness, I have finally turned in my PRC application for the june board exam! Whew! I was worried about not beating the deadline at first because of my scrubs which I had an intuition that it got delayed in signing (and I was quite right.). It was not easy being a soon-to-be professional. I was jittery the whole time when I ensured the completion of my papers and the data in it. I was not confident that I am on the right track. I’m sorting out papers here and taking some on the other side. I feel like I’m in an office scene wherein the poor secretary had to do a pile of paperwork due the next day. Thank God I had it all covered. As soon as I finished my application, one thing just came into my mind- THERE’S NO TURNING BACK NOW. I’M GOING TO TAKE THE JUNE EXAMS AND PASS, PASS, PASS IT!!

Wish me luck!

april 19, 2008

finding solace

• holy week in hazel’s world mean prayers, sacrifice (which means an almost vegan diet) and 7th heaven marathons in studio 23.

• but this year was different. i have embraced the grace of sacrifice a whole lot more. i did not complain much about fasting and lengthy masses. i even enjoyed it and felt its meaning. i only complained about one thing though..the scorching heat!! i can’t take summer..i can thrive in cold air but not near the burning sun!

• that week, one thing was on my mind. to erase all the bitterness and hatred in me caused by the previous week by some ugly hag. i kept on thinking- "two incident reports in 2 years in college?not bad for a countess!", "people are screwing things up!", "i hate the witch", "she’s not worth my time and attention!"..but i started to realize that in life, you must know how to separate light from darkness in order to get its meaning and you should know what to fear and when to sneer.

• as i pray, i find solace in the lord. my faith is stronger now and i can say that it has driven my life more than ever. as i went to church and heard mass, i felt lighter and i decided to forgive. i trashed those grudges away. those are nothing but bad experiences that i should get over and i did. i did well.

• easter came. this is the day i’ve been waiting for. aside from the lord’s ressurection, it was also time for my hair ressurection. i had a hair rebond! i was so happy with the outcome. it seems that i don’t want to move or lie down so that my hair won’t get all scrunched up. talk about newbie freak! haha! i was preoccupied with getting my hair done the week before! all i can think about is to get my hair fixed before graduation. i was so excited that i felt nauseated the night before!hehe..

• well, i got good results. the downside? i did not wash my hair for 2 days. i went to school not washing my hair for 2 days. that’s the most i can get! my scalp got itchy by the night of the second day. good thing i was able to wash it already this morning. i also got a trim today. i deserve a treat after 4 years of venturing into excruciating school-ness!

• graduation is fast approaching! 3 days to go and i’m so excited to finally get my degree! yippee!

• but what comes next?? im quite terrified but i think i’m ready!

march 26, 2008

good surprise/bad surprise

i used to love watching the good news/ bad news segment of america’s funniest home videos. and again, hazel’s life has its own share..

.

• GOOD SURPRISE

.

• i celebrated my birthday last ferbruary 18. i always wanted my birthday to fall on class days so that almost everybody i know would have greeted me by the end of the day. birthdays are supposed to be YOUR DAY, right?hehe..this year, i did not expect nor feel like having a celebration. my mind was full of stuffs to do, i can’t even remember.

.

• what i was expecting was a gift from the royalties though. it has been our tadition to give personalized gifts on birthdays.As the day went on, I wondered what the girls have in store for me. I smelled something fishy but I ignored it. Anyways, I love surprises. That afternoon, they gave me little cards that have the letters H-A-P-P-Y inscribed on each. They contained messages from friends. I love messages. I wished that they would give me a gift that would contain messages from friends since I’m going senti over this graduation stuff. So OK, I get it. The B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y will come soon and the 5 of them will write on the H-A-Z-E-L.

.

• They told me to wait for them since they will be dismissed at 5, 1 hour past my dismissal. At first, I was kind of hesitant but learned that we would meet for our clinical teaching with the other sections so I decided to wait for them. Later, I knew that the plan was to make me wait in school so that my friends can settle in my house for a surprise party. As I entered the door, people came singing the birthday song. It was my friends! I was surprised! My jaw dropped for a second. Hehe!

.

• After all the hullabaloos, they got me my real gift. They covered my eyes then revealed it. It was an illustration board that contained the little message cards and a big blue ribbon at the side. As I brushed my fingers through the cards, I saw little pictures of "the guy" inside it. I screamed and seemed not able to look at some of it. They also gave me an envelope containing his profile and bagets pics. I screamed even louder! My mother was just looking at me together with all the people, laughing. HAHA! That was surreal!

.

• And I thought that was IT! Until they come screaming and jumping up and down after reading a text message. AHA! Something smelled fishy again and I don’t like the smell of it. It’s getting stench-ier by the minute. After a while, I saw them swarming over the phone. I suspected it was the mother queen but the girl instinct in me shouts it’s NOT! They passed the phone to me and I WON”T ANSWER IT! I CAN”T. I knew it was "the guy". I hesitated to answer but they stuck the phone into my ears. As I said hello, a “man voice” responded.

.

• It was really him, who else can it be? Josh Groban?! In my super wildest dream! I withdrew my self from the phone, refusing to talk to him while the rest of the world waits. I could not go far since they grabbed me by the hand and pushed me nearer. The phone wire was stretched so hard to reach me but still, I WON”T. They convinced me to talk to him for long seconds before I “half-agreed”.

.

• That was the MOST AWKWARD conversation I ever had! I don’t care what the world says anymore. Who cares? The persons whom I don’t want my secret to be revealed to knows. Huhuhu.. Poor me!

.

LIFE CAN GET SWEETER BY THE MINUTE.

.

• BAD SURPRISE

• Not so long ago, in a land of smiles and pains, an evil witch messed with two royalties and some of the "commoners". She reprimanded us for correcting the answers of our classmates that we considered correct since they were in the context of the exact answers. she set it as a ground for dishonesty. can we not use our own words and deem it correct since it is close to the exact answer? duh! they called for a conference and some of us were called for the grounds of disrespect just because they were insisting our point that we have no intention of correcting their answers just to raise their scores and explaining that we checked the answers based on our judgement that it is correct. where did the freedom of expression lie? this is the case as i see it. and unless a brave soul speaks to the world what this is all about, i’ll stick to what i believe in. until then, there is no happily ever after yet to occur.

.

LIFE IS BITTER, YOU JUST HAVE TO PUT SUGAR ON IT.

march 10, 2008

a multitude of somethings..

• it’s been a while since i have placed a patch of my moments here..i missed writing in my blog; my therapy..

.

• a lot has happened after my first day blues..i have been to manila for a quiz bee to guimaras for the annual retreat..

.

• i must say, i healed..i got better after that first excruciating day..my friendship with my royalty girls has deepened..we even got a new member now; our MOTHER QUEEN, ms timay! never in our wildest dreams have we come upon the idea that one of our teachers will be sharing the bond with us, not to mention our friendship diary was on the verge of being confiscated because of her! haha..what an incident! i felt that my whole boy was trembling in the attempt to save what we have left, our being, in the form of our diary..we all wrote what we have to say there..our secrets, crushes, problems and happy thoughts..that is also the reason why i am not frequently blogging anymore…i can say that it is what we are..it is the testimony to our friendship and no one’s going to read it but us as stated in the rules..now here comes mother queen who browsed through the whole of it and invites herself to write on it and be a member of the royalty girls! hah! sadya lang! until now, i can just smile on my own out of nothing because of that thought! and after careful deliberation, we brought her in and she wrote her first entry last week..and it’s her birthday today..too bad we didn’t get to give her our personalized gift since she already left in the afternoon..oh well..all’s well that ends well..

.

• my next story is when i got to leave my home for manila..manila, oh manila as the song goes..it was for the first intercollegiate nursing olympiad conducted by bright center. i can remember that we were very excited to go. 6 of the 4th year are the representatives for the said event. we were preparing for the contest last november. the contest was held last jan 9-11..i was so tired with all the review stuff..i never liked studying since my first breath! what’s so tiring is that i never had one week straight that i went home with the sun on! until now! and i’ll probably never will until march since i have my duty from 3 pm to 11pm! anyways, or efforts paid off as we entered semifinals then the finals..we bagged 4th place..it was so unfortunate snce some of the questions were vague and a number of answers were inconsistent..like, one question has 2 answers to be considered,,what kind of crap was that?! i was really furious by that time because my team mates got the correct answer for the 2 questions but it was not considered. i am very confident of what we have learned and i knew that we were the only ones who got it right. if that is so, we would have gotten a clincher for the second place..bummer! well, give the prize to them; they need it more that we do..

.

• we enjoyed our shopping spree in manila..we just toured around malls everyday until the mall closes and shopped until we dropped! we enjoyed the experience a lot!

.

• next stop is guimaras..i had a wonderful retreat! very cleansing..now, i can feel that i’m growing spiritually. i am feeling a super great double dose comfort with the Lord. i have come to love the grace of the Eucharist even more. It is such a nice feeling if you have a strong faith. You feel so light and you just can go on and on and on.

.

• Currently, i’m in the process of doing my thesis. i just hope that i can finish it by march!! and also, we are still having our weekend review for the board exam..praying for the 100% passing of the servien christi mariae!! and hey, i just finished my last minor scrub last week!yey!

.

• the clouds are starting to clear…i believe so..

first day blues..

• its the first day of school and i’m feeling all wrong. i feel like my soul was trapped in melancholic solitude. i was kinda spaced out and lost. i was not wrong on my vision about myself sitting alone while the rest of the world is chatting with their seatmates. i feel like i suddenly don’t belong. this is not me! i am not a loner! being alone never felt this bad..

• i just want my super friends back!

• what was more disheartening is that there would be a group activity in one of our classes and we have the option to group ourselves with our "best friends" as what the teacher had directed. i feel like screaming that "i have no best friend here!!" at that moment! i am not very comfortable with my new section to be honest.

• i just need my super friends back!

• i feel like a part of my being was stripped off of me. i know i’m just being a drama queen here but i have to release all these tensions or else its gonna be worse. i just can’t get over of the thought that we’re not classmates anymore but i understand that i have to do it soon. i have to be happy and comfortable just the way it is even if its going to be hard. i have to unleash the semi-social butterfly in me though its going to be a little tough.

• this is the first time that i don’t feel like its the first day of school. i did not care that it was the first day. i did not feel like i had a break in the first place so i did not feel any difference since i spent my break on on-call duties. hehe.

• speaking of which, all the while i thought i had already completed my scrubs. this morning, i was informed that my last case which is supposed to be a minor operation is now considered a major one. shucks and smuckers! what a bummer! i have to get another one. the question is, when? since i really don’t want to do it on weekdays which is our lecture days and on weekends, its our board review time..tsk,tsk..pity me.

• i know everything will be fine soon..i just know..and i still, just want to be with my friends. i am now sipping a cup of coffee which also reminds me of my coffee buddies–them!

• breathe hazel, breathe…

nov 5, 2007