Bottom's Up 2009

This is my own version of the annual "year end report". It's my first time to do a recap of my year in all its highs and lows. I just want to put up some trends in my blog starting this new year. =) And so, Bottom's Up is first. It will be a rundown of the happenings that made or broke my year starting with the things that made me go rock bottom to the things which places me up there in the stairway of whatchamacallit.

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So here goes..Bottom's up!

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• 15. PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE MOMENTS - This is the year where separate lives are born and friendships are tested to its core. Some of my friends already label it the PAL symdrome because of its over usage! haha! It's lonely to be alone, nevertheless, missing people can make the coming back worthwhile. Just make sure to come back, you nitwits!
• 14. BUMNESS - I am understimulated this year. As I was saying, I've reached a plateau where anything seems silent and flat amidst the buzz outside of my circle. I have not exercised my license yet. I haven't put it to risk. What a bummer!
• 13. GLOBAL WARMING - This year was a cacophony of Mother Earth's impending wrath. Typhoon Ondoy and Pepeng affected more lives than we can ever imagine. News about endangered sea creatures drifting to the shoreline were also increasing. This just means their habitat is not safe anymore that's why they are escaping. Plus, the scorching heat of everyday is just unbearable! Do we really need to hear this monstrosity before we listen to nature?!
• 12. DEATHS - Celebrity deaths from Francis Magalona to Michael Jackson and Cory Aquino. Not to mention a couple of family acquaintances. This year is just plain morbid.
• 11. NO LEYTON - Lucas and Peyton, my favorite One Tree Hill characters were cut from the show's seventh season. Staying true to the OTH flag, I still watch the show and the story is getting better as the season goes, but I still miss the two.
• 10. ONLINE SHOPPING - From books to wardrobe, online shopping at Multiply.com is fun! I bought a lot of books online this year..Plus those that were given as gifts! Now I have lots to catch up on!
• 9. EFREN AND MANNY - Efren Penaflorida and Manny Pacquiao are two of the Philippine's pride! It was my first time to see a Pacquiao match live this year. I never thought I would enjoy it with all its testosterone might, but I actually did! The Pacquiao-Cotto match was a hit! As with Efren Penaflorida, his being really inspires me. His acceptance speech at the CNN Hero of the Year always makes me teary eyed, whether seeing, hearing or reading it. He is a man worth emulating. And of course, there is Arnel Pineda and Charice. Oh well.
• 8. LIFE - They say if something's gone, something will have to replace. This year, two of my cousins gave birth. Cousin Vic Vic to a chubby Miakka and Cousin Angging to twin boys. We are very excited to have the first twins in the family! I am Miakka's Ninang as well as Dennison's, the twin's older brother. Babies are adorable!
• 7. THE CEBU-BOHOL TRIP - This was the most fun family vacation to date! We went on a trip to both cities via land. If only the van walls could talk! haha!
• 6. RIGHT TO SUFFRAGE - Yes, I am finally a registered voter and it will be my first time to vote in the May 2010 elections. I am currently raising awareness on who to vote. (etchos!)
• 5. DRIVING LESSONS - I was not able to make an entry about my driving lessons last time. I took one a couple of months ago and thanks to my kick-ass married-twice mother of an instructor, I am already driving on the road! Not alone yet though.. I still have to convert my student's permit to a license.
• 4. GRADUATE SCHOOL - After 1 year, I am currently on my last 6 academic units. Comprehensive exams and a thesis to go then I'm done!
• 3. PLURK AND TWITTER - If you can't plurk it, tweet it! haha! Plurk, Twitter and Facebook are my ways to stay updated with peeps as well as expressing my everyday quips. If not for them, I'll live in solitary mood all year long! Plus, celebrity replies in Twitter make my day!
• 2. GLEE - My favorite new season show!! Underdogs + musical = Hazel's love!!! My heart goes out to them! It's my midweek stress buster and it never fails to make me smile every time they belt out a song! I get teary eyed with their heartfelt songs! I also play their songs at You Tube repeatedly if I'm really digging it! I am a certified Gleek!!!
• 1. THE RED, YELLOW AND ROUND - This DH thingy is weird and is driving me bananas but sometimes, if not most of the time, it is the only one I've got to escape boredom and depression (especially during those idle internet times) and I found my newest best friend because of it. There are 6 billion people in the world, but sometimes, all you need is one...- one hell of a person, or a non-person for that matter! hahaha! Happy Friday on New Year's!

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There you go! My 2009. Nothing really interesting there. Just bumness in between. Nevertheless, affirming the positives is food for the soul.

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2010 is something waiting to unfold. Anxiety is written all over it in my calendar but I'm definitely looking forward to brave the coming storm and enjoy the sunny side up of it!

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Wishing you all good tidings and smiles! Happy New Year!

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Love and Bliss!! Mwah!

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Listening To: Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone

A Day in the Critical Care Unit

I would like to tell people how I assessed my fourth client today using the same tool and how I am getting a hang of it already. I would like to tell them how difficult it is to assess a client who cannot speak because of an Endotracheal tube and can only communicate through gestures and writing. But instead, I want to tell them how distressing it is to be conscious and feeling the discomfort of tubes attached to your body, how frustrating it is to try to speak but you just can’t, to try to be understood but could not completely be.

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I would also like to tell people how student nurses can at times be inefficient in the area, how surprisingly; they haven’t completely mastered some of the basics such as abbreviations used in the diagnosis and they still need to hone their skills and time management more. I would like them to know that I saw a seizure episode but I am was sure if it really is. I would like to tell them how we failed to get the air bubbles out of the IV tubing and felt so small after our preceptor showed us a simple trick and successfully got rid of the bubbles in a bat of an eyelash. But instead, I would tell them how hard it is to supervise five students and how big the responsibility of a clinical instructor is. I want to tell them of the pressure that one feels to be always on top of the game, to be always ahead of the others and to impart to them all that you have for them to become better and inspire them to be. I realized how hard it is to make sure you are better than the students so that you won’t feel embarrassed that you are not any other different than them. I want to tell them that I can’t help but think if we were also like that when we were senior students in the area. I would like to tell people that I have also tried to do the trick to get the bubbles out and successfully did. I would tell them I learned something new, no matter how simple it is. I learned.

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I would also like to tell people how I watched a patient die today. I would like to tell them that I was hesitant at first to assert that I would like to try doing CPR up to the point that it was misinterpreted that I don’t want to. I would like them to know that my forearms hurt from Ambu bagging and CPR takes my breath away, literally. But instead, I would want to tell people how I felt hope during every chest compression that I made, how I tried to straighten my elbows and pushed my weight on him and how I watched every quiver of his heart from the heart monitor. I would like to tell them that I saw this client for a month now since I started being a research assistant and I saw how his physical condition deteriorate. I was planning to assess him as my fifth client before he stepped in the line of death. I would like to tell them how hard it is to decide for the life of a young man, a man who has his own story to tell, a man who will leave those stories with the many people who is significant to him. I would like to tell them of the moment when his girlfriend held his hand and encouraged him to listen to her and to fight. I was not sure if it broke everybody’s heart but it sure left a sting on mine. I watched tracings on his heart monitor, trying to decipher what ECG reading it is but I can’t. I don’t know how. All I know is every quiver signifies hope. Every quiver means life.

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Such is life. Lines are not always straight. Poems do not always rhyme. Maybe life is just about shockwaves and quivers because it is not perfect. It should not be. Life would only be perfect if those quivers end up as flat lines, because it is then that we will know, we are in better hands.

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Expect the unexpected. This is a day inside a critical care unit.

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Love and Bliss!

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August 26, 2009

The Big Bang Three-ory

• BIG BANG 1: Money, Money, Money..Must be funny..In a rich man's world..

Got my first salary last August 7!! Being a research assistant is good. I get to learn a lot and anticipate what will be in store for me as I conduct my own thesis in the following semesters. Loved it! I did not expect that I will me given my first compensation that day. I thought it would be on the end of the month when everything is finished. I was just hiding my smiles when she handed it over me..hehe! yipee! Until now, I haven't figured out what to buy with my first pay. But I am happy that I will be able to give part of it as my tithe in church.

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Another thing, last weekend, I received the biggest Ang Pao amount ever! 5 digits, baby! It was given by Papa's client. She also gave my siblings the same amount. Richness! haha! I haven't even met her. I just know that she owns good businesses here and in Bacolod. I really gasped upon seing the amount. Upon handing the Ang Pao over and hearing Papa and Mama, I know it's a good amount but I did not expect that it was THAT big. I immediately thought of things to buy but then again, I realized in a snap that it was a cheque..hahaha! It will be just deposited in our accounts..Oh well, life is a blessing!

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• BIG BANG 2: Conquering the world, One Tree Hill at a time...

Look at what I've got! haha! After months of waiting and a night of vexation (hihi), finally, it's in my evil hands...(muwahaha!) Got to finish it the other night. I read it in just one sitting. It's like the prequel to One Tree Hill's Season 1. Not as interesting as the first season but I liked it anyway. Thanks to Don for buying us our poison! haha! Keep my two other drugs safe there with you for a while..hehe! I feel like I can never thank you enough for being such a konsintidor...hahaha! Thanks for a hefty supply of poison. Gosh, I am such a twit!

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• BIG BANG 3: Take everyday, one heart attack at a time.

The other week, I was informed that I may, I repeat, I may graduate in May 2010. HUWAATT?! How am I supposed to comply with all the darn requirements?! I thought I was supposed to complete the 2 remaining subjects next semester, take the comprehensive exams in the summer then complete my thesis by October next year. But apparently, I can complete the 2 subjects next semester, take the exams by March, and finish the thesis by summer. Talk about academic dumpster! Whew! So easy to hear, so much harder to do. Ugh! As long as there is enough oxygen in my system, everyday will just be transient ischemic attacks!

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening To: I'll Never Fall In Love Again by Elvis Costello

A Cacophony of Nothingness

I can barely believe that it had been one whole year that I am a nurse, a professional bum for that matter. Last July 24 marked 365 days of unemployment and career misdirection. Yes, I had made a few bucks with my online shop but nothing close to having a career with my license on hand and at stake.

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Though I am currently pursuing Graduate Studies, I am still constantly bumped by the questions, "Now what?", "What happens next?", "Is this all you can do for a productive time?" Yes, I am a full time student. I usually spend my weekdays finishing paper works due on weekends. But that was last semester. This time, I am quite relaxed with requirements. My current subjects does not require endless paperworks yet. This time, we are more on lectures and paperworks will come towards the end of the semester. The big shebang would be my research proposal for my thesis, which I haven't had a final thought of. I am currently on the pursuit of my 33rd unit. The Masters program has 46 units. That means, I have to finish 2 subjects in the second semester, take my comprehensive examinations possibly in the summer then finish my thesis by October next year. Well, on the optimist point of view, it will be just 1 year more for me to get the coveted MAN degree. But come to think of it. It will be another 365 days of unemployment and bumness.

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You may say that getting a job is the solution to this bumness. But you see, a job as a nurse is not the easiest thing. It's much more easier to pass the boards than to look for a job. Plus, if I stop being full time in my masters, when will I graduate? Let alone another semester? So as much as I also wanted to be one of those hospital nurses, I think I have to be realistic enough and focus in my direction. Although, at times, I can't really help but refer to myself as unproductive. Getting up in the morning late enough not to have breakfast, Plurking, Tweeting, chatting and doing some homeworks. That's my typical day lately.

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I really wanted to do more. But I don't want to make the same mistake again of rushing into things and falling short of a flop. I've learned a lesson early on and have come to realize and accept the consequences. This is where career misdirection # 1 took place. Original Plan: Apply, Review and Take NCLEX.... Evilness: long story..refer to previous blog entry .... Rebound Plan: Take up Masters. Until now, I have not applied for NCLEX. I have placed it low on my to-do list. After all, America is just there; just there preparing herself again, building up bucks, getting ready for me.. (bwahahaha!)

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Lately, my book whore soul has been awakened. Buying books really comfort me. I don't know but maybe this is my subconscious taking her throne. This career stressor has been bugging me and maybe I do need comfort. And what better way to ease it that buying books. I told myself that I won't buy again for this year since there are a lot of titles waiting for me to be read. It looks like I hoard books now rather than collecting them. I just bought 2 titles this week and I may buy another one, or two soon. Hay life! It's really a dog-eat-dog out there! Maybe I just really need a breather even if my life seems a breeze now. Hanging in the air can also be tiring. Thoughts bug your head.

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So this is my life in a year, darlings... Not as productive as others but I can be contented. Though I can't deny that I don't have to rush work since this household's daily needs is sustained, I still want my own career path. I still want my own success. Oh well, one step at a time, right? I always say, I have to finish my Master's Degree so I'll just go straight. Anyway, once I have it, it would be like my all seasons VIP pass to employment. So, let's just wait and see. No rushing.

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Right now, I am a research assistant (career misdirection #2..hahahaha!)... At least it's an additional compensation for me. I see it as my practice job..hehe! Giving your all, satisfying people... and all that jazz!

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Yes, the future is super scary for me but I'm definitely looking forward to it! Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be blogging about my ramblings and complaints on how tasky thesis writing is. Because hopefully, it just means I can finish and graduate in October 2010.

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P.S. Congratulations to the Angeli Illuminati Christi for having a 100% passing rate in the June 2009 Exams! The results were released on July 25, exactly 1 year and 1 day after we got ours.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

got my power card!!!

i got my PRC Nurse license already!!!!!

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i got that Thursday of last week. I went to PRC Iloilo to claim my ID. I didn't know that they will only cater a limited number of people since only 1 personnel is in charge of the whole number giving-sorting of claim slips-searching for ID's and certificates- and releasing of ID's and certificates. In short, she was a one-man army! Good heavens! Coupled with complaints from people?? Whew! What a job!

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Nevertheless, I was lucky enough to be given a number for the last batch. Even if we had no assurance that she would be able to release our ID's, I waited. (Hehe..I had a virtue at that time..) I was excited to see the proof of my darn sleepless nights and hapless cramming sessions! haha! And so, the standing began. I was standing there and yawning and yawning for like 3 hours! No one to talk to until Diana came by. She was supposed to claim her Certificate of Passing but then, numbers were already given and she won't be able to get one already. So she just left. Back to no one to talk to and standing and yawning.

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After a million yawns, I was at the releasing window ready to get a hold of my license; my life! I was smiling there when she let me wrote my license number on the log book. It was 515115..haha! Wala lang.. She even made a mistake at first. She let me wrote 515151..hehe..I changed it after I took a look at it. Luckily, I had a shot chat with my other classmate who was there. It was just then that i realized she let me wrote the wrong number in the logbook. Oh well, it was just the log book and not some major thingy.

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OK..So I have my power card with me...NOW WHAT???!!!

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Really don't know what to do lately. Been so chicken-y when opportunity comes. Maybe I just need much time to condition myself on what's the wisest next thing. As for now, graduate school student anay si nurse...

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Love and Bliss!

WOW me again!

yesterday, i haven't eaten my breakfast and lunch on time. I ate at around 2:30 pm and took a bath at 3 pm. But who cares? 200% NA ANG SERVIEN!!!! yehey!

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They did it. We did it again! The november takers got 100% with 2 topnotchers as the November 2008 Nursing Licensure Exam was released yesterday. I was on the internet answering nervous questions on YM and SMS's. I was lucky to open the PDF file of the individual name list earlier since the moment i refreshed the page, Inquirer.net has just posted the link!

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I searched for the names of Kai, Chessa and Jelai first. It felt like I was the one who passed the boards! haha! My hands seem numb again as I texted them! I didn't know how to text, type or scroll the mouse! I had a lot of errors typing my texts and YM messages! haha! Nakakabobo pala ito..haha! I did not even realize that I can save and send the PDF file to my those inquiring in YM rather than rationalizing that the site may be flooded so just be patient to wait for the page to load! haha! I was searching for every name inquired. Ella, Apol, LJ, Russel, Bibi, Mark, Pao2, KK, cousins of Jelai, friend of someones, girlfriend of someones, daughter of a friend of Mama's, friends of mine, almost every name I can remember! And I was glad I was the one who told many that they passed..haha! Glad to give the best news!

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Soon, I was surprised Sir Vargas called me on my cell. "Hazel? Ara na results!"..."Yes sir..gachek man ko subong.." As we talked, a flash of tension rose since both of us haven't heard that someone did not make it. At that time, the top performing schools ratings and topnotchers were not released yet. They were checking the Nov takers' names one by one and at that moment, no one was LEFT BEHIND YET! So we hung up and he told me to inform them if "100% kita". As i find more and more names and gave my congratulations to more and more new nurses, i felt it in my heart that we DID it again! And soon enough, Sir called me up again saying that we got 100%! They checked the names one by one. By the time only one name is left (Siasat! hehe) the computer went off! hehehe..But then again, this is a family..and nobody gets left behind or forgotten..They checked Rhea's name and when it was there, they jumped for joy! haha!

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i was very very elated! I was smiling the whole time! I was getting these flashes of memories of our own board preparations. But this time, there was an addition. My personal experience with the board exams continued to the time when we helped them in their preparations. Manong Don and I were there to support them even if it meant sleeping there at Holy Rosary for a week. It was one sure of a roller coaster ride! GRABE! it was so fulfilling! My gosh! sadya sadya gid ko ya!!! I'm sure Nong Don feels the same. Gakudog to atay ya! haha! It was worth every trip to Makro, every trip to the testing sites, every trip to pick up the foods, every inventory (until now, sorry, we haven't figured out how the 72 bottles for 99 stomachs for 2 days came up short! haha!) and every encouragement we gave them, even just a little. It was an honor serving you guys! I'll do it again in a heartbeat!

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That afternoon, we attended the thanksgiving mass at 5:30 pm in Sto. Nino Chapel. After the mass, I congratulated every new nurse that I saw. It was so much fun! We made such a big noise outside the church..haha! Peace! Sr. Carol was also there. Kasadya gd ya!!!

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I feel so blessed I belong in this family. I am and will forever be a Servien Christi Mariae 2008; by name and by heart.

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• CONGRATULATIONS SERVIEN!!! WE DID IT AGAIN!

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• MY CONGRATS TO ELAINE FOR BEING IN THE TOP 5 AND HIROMI FOR BEING IN THE TOP 9!

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• To read my own I-made-it-to-the-NLE story, please click the links below:
• ---The Day I Became One of Them
• ---What it means to finally get it

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• To read our Holy Rosary adventures and mis-adventures, click the links below:
• ---The DH Chronicles: The Coaster
• ---The DH Chronicles: The Prank

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love and bliss frecklesnoots!

...is complete!

• at long last! i completed my intravenous therapy training requirements yesterday! yahoo!!!

• after 6 days and countless hours of endless waiting in vain, i've had 6 insertions, 6 IVTT medications and 2 blood transfusions (thank God for fresh frozen plasma!!)...whew! it's tiring but i'm so glad the waiting's over, for the IVT requirement, that is...

• now, i just have to submit my completed and signed form and wait for my ID..they say it will be sent over after a year..hehehe...slow..as expected..

• NOW WHAT??? i really don't know! bummer!there's so much to do..but what to do first? i really don't know! i'm just taking one day at a time..one moment, a handful...i've just got to wait what's in store for me for the coming months...

• all these waiting and wailing can be so tiring! (sigh)

• love and bliss!

plain dumb NOTHING.

• i have been a bore for the past months since i was declared a "professional". I am not even fit to be called one since i don't function as one at all. Nothing's been going on except for the ramblings of my troubled mind,the hullabaloos of my online shop and what's going on between Lucas Scott, Peyton Sawyer, Serena-Dan and the Chuck-Blair thingy every TV tuesdays. (btw, i declared every tuesday as TV tuesdays since i watch my fave shows, shows that feed my mind and soul, every tuesdays.)

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• Back to the point (of no return), everybody seems so busy and eager to get their careers to a jump start; reviewing for international exams, going to job fairs and even applying for a job at a couple of hospitals. It sometimes frustrates me how indecisive i am when it comes to these things. Until this day, i don't have a clear timetable of what should i do. This is bad. Considering the fate of nurses nowadays, i consider myself last in line, a slow put; a lazy bum! I should have taken steps to get my lazy butt up to practice what i call my "profession" ages ago. I don't know what holds me back so much. But definitely one of the reasons is that i don't have a buddy to hold on to as i take these necessary steps. what if i had bad balance after all? i am afraid to fall down, most of all, i'm afraid to fall on my own.

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• At times, i get really sad when no one updates me with what's up and about. at times, i feel like people don't even care that i am also needing infos. yes, no one's closer to me than queencie alone among the june takers and she's gone to Med school. maybe this is why i am the last to know. (why do "people always leave"? grr! peyton help me.) i don't blame them for anything. of course you would tend to stick on your own cliques first before going out of the bubble. sometimes, i also tend to do so. it's just depressing that i am alone now.

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• i really don't know what to do. people keep on asking me what i do or what plans i have. i just tend to smile and say that i will review for nclex. but i'm not really sure when. i have not even applied for eligibility yet. and at times, i refuse to open the site of the california board of nursing.and until now, i haven't opened it yet. this takes me back to the summer of 2004 wherein i haven't decided what to take up in college until the month of may. i used to fake sleep just to get out of bed late and eat my meals earlier than everybody so that i can avoid "the talk". it's not that i don't want this to happen. maybe i'm still waiting for me to be ready; to be ready to finally face what it takes to grow up. Growing up sucks! and most of all, i want a buddy. i always pray that the Lord will help me take the right path and make right decisions and i believe he is leading me through it. i just need to embrace His will fully.

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• the november takers are about to take their boards in two weeks time. hopefully, jelai would want to accompany me in my plans if they are through. i am rooting for that hope left. that could be my only hope since kai plans to take up dentistry and chessa wants to work first. i on the other hand want to take all exams first before proceeding to work. that is my only plan now.

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• for the meantime, i am waiting for december 24 and 25 to finish my iv therapy completion requirements. i'm sure i'll be blogging about this unique christmas! i also enrolled myself in graduate school for a master's degree together with ralp, jelai and stephen.

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• i am never really good with short term goals. i always see myself in the far distant future. i want to work in california, but i don't know where to start. i do all this inquiry to those who have applied for eligibility but i end up doing nothing. No application, no review. I even have no school documents on hand since my thesis was stuck with my research adviser. she is on leave. i didn't even know if she really got it since i just asked the girls to give it to her. all i need is her signature for approval. aarrgh! this is so i-dont-know-what-to-call-so-i-just-scream!

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• As of the moment, this is it. plain dumb nothingness.

what it means to finally get it

As it finally half-sank into my system, i rambled through the internet to find my name, now, as a nurse.

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# 25465 Te, Hazel Joy Uy

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• The first thing that came to my mind was to check if the spelling was correct. and it was! whew! as i looked at our passing percentage, sudden flashes of memory came into my mind. from our review sessions, to our night prayers to the boards itself. i can’t help myself from tears of joy. Our efforts finally paid off! our prayers were all answered.

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• I can’t stop looking at my name. It felt really good to see it right there. it never looked better. hehe! this is the real stat valv moment!

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• The feeling was just surreal. we needed this. and i know, we really deserved it. from the disaster that was junior year, who might think that we were able to bring the bang?! all those hurt and lessons learned paid off.

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• i am also happy that we did it because it was also for our clinical instructors. this is a gift to us as it is for them. speaking of gifts, i have 2 classmates who celebrated their birthday during the release of the result. what a great gift to franz and kenndy!

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• it is really the four years of foundation and hard work that brought us here and not one review center can ever say that they were the ones who made the students pass the boards. we didn’t get any review center but we all passed. we didn’t get one because it was expensive. we will pay twice the fee of the review and in-house package without the review center if we will get one. We got individual reviewers from manila for some subjects but it was really our clinical instructors who built the bulk of what we knew.

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• it was then that i realized that they taught me to be what i am now. ms gotico taught me to believe in my prayers and aspirations as what she said when she was our proctor during one of the exams in my second year. and indeed, believing was powerful. it made my fears fade and i regained hope. i also remembered ms. cormary asked me a couple of times if i’m gonna be cum laude or why i didn’t get to be one. so i thought, she must have really believed that i can and it means a lot that to have someone believe in you even if you have lost the battle and have accepted it a long time ago. and i know she really believed in us and had defended our batch especially when we were much wounded. together with some of our clinical instructors, they never let go.

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• i never got into what nursing is until my sophomore year. and it was sir servidad who showed me what it really is during my first real clinical exposure at the surgical ward in SPH. i was really inspired and saw how fulfilling this is. i was lucky enough to learn to love nursing that early. we all had fun during that shift! and of course, his better half, ms timay.. words cannot define how thankful i am to have her as a mentor and a friend. i’ve told her my thanks in our diary but still, it was not enough. but it’s better that i’ve expressed my thanks than nothing said and done. hehe! sir vargas was also very selfless as our review coordinator. he was with us all the time. we felt that he did everything for our own good. and i can never forget the time when we were all in tears when he expressed his confidence that we will get 100% passing and that he only prayed twice for a 100% passing; one was for the june 2006 and one for us.

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• these people may not know this but i wish our 100% passing was enough to bring fulfillment and much affirmation for the good things we shared for the past 4 years.

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• and for my batchmates, the servien christi mariae 2008, we finally did it. we have been through one hell of a time but we finally proved to the world that we’re not called SCM for nothing. i just know in my heart that some people do not believe in what we can, in what i can, but this is an affirmation to them. gone are the days that we look like trash to people. we are after all, stronger and better. if were not strong enough, we wouldn’t be able to redeem ourselves from our cheating incident. if were not better, we wouldn’t be able to learn lessons in books and life. if we were not strong, we would not have gone through capping, graduation, ring and pin ceremony and through the grueling review classes and the 2-day board exams. if we weren’t better,we would not be called paulinians. and lastly, we are not called servien christi mariae 2008 if we weren’t stronger and better!

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• we are the batch who made history, and will continue to make even more marks into the lives of people. one goal..one family!

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• as i reminisce what i’ve been through, i put a smile on my face. nursing made me the person that i wanted to be. this is what i want to do. my love of reflections and life was captivated as i meet new people, hear different stories of happiness and poverty, experience stress beyond what is imaginable and learning to stand strong. my 4 years in nursing was not always waking up to beautiful mornings (but often sleeping in one, haha!). yup, it was so hard but i never gave up. i know i was on the right path.

.

• all of this is not possible without divine intervention. i prayed more than i’ve studied. it always works for me. hehe! the board exam experience made me stronger in all aspects. this is again, an affirmation that prayers are very powerful. the lord heard all of our prayers. and i know he gave this grace to us because he knows we all deserve it. what i am spiritually is between me and Him. he was my source of light, wisdom and strength throughout all this. my heart was His, my mind was His and my hands were His as i answered 500 questions that made me. i can never thank Him enough.

.

• this has been a fulfilling journey for me. as i begin a new one as a nurse, i know the lord will still be with me..even if i’m going to be unemployed for a long time…even if im not going to be a nurse in another country for a longer time..hehe!

.

• "We’re more than a name or face in the crowd, this is the time of our lives"
• –David Cook, Time of our lives

.

• as i said, if this is what they call bliss, i’ll do this all over again in a heartbeat!

.

august 2008

the day i became one of them

announcing to the world that i am now a nurse!!!

.

july 24, 2008, 8 something-ish in the evening:

.

• mama was calling me hurriedly and excitedly. i thought there was some colored-feathered bird or an amusing creature who entered our kitchen. (really, what the heck was i thinking?!) then she told me that the results of the board exam was out! oh my god..oh my freakin’ god! my system began to tremble..i was at a state wherin i did not know what to do..my mind was full of ringing noises and distorted pictures. i think i forgot to breathe at that second! i hurriedly listened to the radio as Bombo Radyo was about to announce the result. they were about to announce my life!

.

• i was not able to get much sleep that day since i stayed up late the night before (not to forget on the 20th) in anticipation that they’ll release it on the midnight of the 24th. little did i expect that it will be released that night!

.

• i let my brother get my phone as i ran to browse the internet. i was in the living room watching Married Away, a new show, when my adrenaline rushed. 2 messages. 1 was from queencie, she said she needed something..i never got to finish it! i skipped to the other one from my high school friend, edrex. "Friend, congrats! RN ka na..100% daw st pauls tapos daw may nakasulod sa top 10." as i read this, part of me is saying, no! u can’t finish the message. u cannot just believe a text. you have to prove it yourself. then a part of me is saying, "i am a nurse. I AM A NURSE!! FINALLY! we all are!! 100% kami!!"

.

• then i logged on to yahoo messenger. nang kim was online. she’s my buddy as we await the results. we chat in order to keep our eyes wide. i told her and the people at home that somebody texted me that we got a 100% passing in the NLE! and one was in the top 10. and i’m still in denial! i won’t believe it until i, myself heard it. she told me that was jeff, he is in the top 8. as i knew of it, i was so happy and proud of him. he deserves it more than anybody i know. kudos jeff!

.

• we chatted for a while. this was the real stat valvuloplasty moment! my hand were cold, my breathing gets deeper by the minute and my guts are twisted hard, and hard, and hard. i was super nervous and nauseated by then..i got misty eyed. still, every fiber of my being is trembling in anticipation.

.

• 100%???? it lingered in my mind but still i won’t believe it. i clarified to edrex how he got the news. it was in bombo radyo, he texted back. by that time, i was texting "bombo fm service hazel joy u. te st. paul university iloilo" to 29765 as directed so that they can say my name on air if i passed. i swear my fingers felt so numb that i didn’t know if i was typing it correctly! i also informed queencie about it but no reply from her.

.

• i checked the internet. nothing. no updates yet. PRC website, BON website, inquirer, nursing crib, my email address..all had nothing for me! at this point, i was pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. half of my attention was on the radio. half was on the internet. and yes, i tripped several times as i went back and forth. i felt like my knees were locked and my feet numb! i couldn’t even say what i was feeling. i mean, i was confident that we will make it but still, possibilities are possibilities.

.

• i transfered my laptop in the kitchen where papa was listening to the radio. luckily, the announcer was saying that the results are in just as he turned on the radio. i always knew that there’s an advantage in my part out of papa’s habit to listen to the radio every morning, noon and night even if i’m quite irritated sometimes. so i was sitting there, with my laptop, still chatting to nang kim, listening to updates on the radio, with my webcam video on and still trembling. i wanted to capture my reaction as i pass the boards so i turned on the video.

.

• minutes later, it was time. several schools were announced. one of them was SPUI. i did not care what are the other schools, my attention was only narrowed to st paul university iloilo and hazel jou u. te. so ok, the schools were mentioned.."AND THEY HAVE A PASSING RATE OF…100%!!"

.

• i just yelled. i yelled yes! and held my hand up high in victory. not 5 seconds later, i was in tears. i sent a message to nang kim and queencie saying that the news is confirmed. my tears kept flowing, and it was captured in the video! yikes! after it was announced that we got 100%, i did not bother to listen anymore. it felt like my ears were not functioning. that was all i needed to hear. i just needed to hear that we got 100% then i can give a sigh of relief. first, i was a limp, now i am deaf! this is how the news got into my nerves! haha! minutes later, my name was on air following nang kim’s. i just said YES! again..

.

• after that, numerous text messages and calls arrived. fans!.. they never fail to support..haha! friends texted and most relatives from bacolod called. the phones just kept ringing. we were exchanging phones minutes later. news do have wings! i was just in tears that night. the joy was overflowing. we couldn’t believe this is happening! at last we did it! our batch has been through the worst and now, we have proven to the world that we are and we can!

.

• mama then mentioned how is ms timay now that we all passed. i texted her then and congratulated her. after a while, she called me on my cell. that was the time i really cried. she is very dear to our batch and a friend to the royalty girls. i just cried the while time she congratulated me and told me she is so happy. she confirmed that jeff is in the top 8. she told me that since the beginning, she never doubted that we will make it. we are different. that got me into super tears. her call really meant a lot to me.

.

• jessica also called. i also cried. hehe. as i heard her say congratulations, i was reminded of the november board takers. they are the next to follow our footsteps and i just know that they, too, will make it. the support that they have given to us was undeniably felt by every june taker. i was also touched that a lot had my number and remembered to congratulate me. this made me even happier.

.

• early that afternoon, i don’t know what got into me but i took the BP readings of people at home. little did i know that that was my last as a student nurse. i think this is really where i am meant to be. this is what i want to do.

.

• we prayed the rosary in thanksgiving that night.

.

• i was not able to sleep until about 3 am and woke up at 6:45. i was half asleep the whole time! i woke up with a headache from last night’s crying. that day, we went to school to be reunited again. this time, as new nurses. we were very elated. we were screaming, laughing and joking around the whole time. we went there to thank our clinical instructors, staff, personnel in the school and hospital who contributed to our new self. we also attended our noon mass at sto. nino chapel.

.

• after the mass, we congratulated each other. then somebody yelled, si mother queen niyo! my neck stretched so hard until i saw ms. timay’s head. i went up to her and smiled. then she reached out to hug me. there was something in her hug which drove me to tears, again. i don’t know why but i just cried. after that, we took some pictures and talked a while. we had lunch with her at shakey’s after our short talk. she treated us!(which was not planned of course) hehe..

.

• later that afternoon, we attended the nursing assembly at school. an ABS-CBN cameraman was there to take a short video clip of us. too bad i was not able to see it in TV patrol iloilo. the whole nursing body stood up in applause as we went up the stage. we were quite shy at first, but who cares? we passed the board exam! after 5 years, SPUI got a 100% passing again. the crown is back at its throne..hehe!

.

• we shouted our goal again. but this time, we passed it on to the rest of the paulinians who are aiming to affix the letters "RN" to their names. WE passed to them our goal which is "to pass and top the board exam!"

.

• this day was surreal. i just never stopped smiling. everybody is happy. everybody is satisfied.

.

• june 26: my name was on the national papers! for the first time!yahoo!

.

• at long last, i became one of them.

.

• if this is what they call bliss, i am willing to do this all over again!

.

july 29, 2008

preparing for what i'll be..

Finally, our intensive review started last april 11. I can’t stand boredom anymore! I was glad that we had to start soon. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I guess I kina missed stress. Hehe!

This summer, we had different reviewers from manila for each subject. As of now, we had 3. And I have learned a lot. Not only nursing stuff but I was very amazed by the mystery and complexity of each person. It was refreshing to see new faces, hear different voices and listen to different experiences.

I was very amused by our reviewers. One was a somewhat weird accented-soft spoken woman, another was a tattooed and bearded big guy who is a techie, a tattoo artist, has published nearly 10 titles and was talking about grin jokes for 2 days. I never heard grin jokes that much in a day! And the latest was a post craniotomy lecturer who is very spontaneous and does not use any powerpoint presentation nor a copy of her topics on hand. Gosh.. How great life is!

I am enjoying our review sessions and I am more inspired to study. Not only because of the key chains as prizes given to the top 5 students for each post test (although I had two already, haha!) but because of the bigger picture. After all what I’ll do this summer will define who I’ll be in 4 to 5 months time..

Pray for me and wish me luck!

april 19, 2008

back to basics..

i just came home from california last june 13..i stayed for 16 days there..nothing’s new since i was there just 2 years ago,,mama and i stayed at tito vic and tita tata’s apartment in lancaster…too bad my cousin michelle wasn’t there…although my cousin caren joined us the next week..we had fun..we went to long beach…LA…universal studios (again,and it never fails me)….redondo beach where we ate some humongous crabs, the biggest one i ever tasted so far.. i also picked up some life tips..the trip kinda inspired me a bit more to practice nursing there..not for the kaching, but for merely professional enrichment…blah,blah.. america is so much different than the philippines..it’s nice there..nice places, nice traffic system, nice weather, nice money (hehe!)..but again, ‘pinas is home for all of us..

i just started my last year in nursing school last monday…i’m so happy that i’m classmates with the right people…i can’t afford to be left out or be with the wrong crowd especially on my last year… we were all surprised that 4th year is such a breeze, unlike terrortown…i was just saddened that i have to repeat pharmacology..grr! i hate it! there’s just a little voice in me that says that i just can’t accept it..i feel like i don’t belong in that class! smart and arrogant me! its just that i dont want a hassle…we had our orientation this afternoon after a mind boggling diagnostic test..i know pharma will be difficult with all the drugs to be studied but my hopes are high.. i dont want to screw up again! june 20, 2007

one fine day for me.

today marks the end of my last summer class..the end of my junior year…whew! what a relief..it was a busy day..from getting the final exams a day after the midterms, to going home just to get my nursing manual, to entertaining myself during our tribute to our clinical instructors..it was a tiring day for me..nevertheless, it was the end of terrortown…

my high today was when our clinical instructor announced that she would not be our team leader anymore because we’re gonna be 4th year now..ALL OF US!…(and the crowd went wild!) it was a bliss fro all of us that we made it through as a batch..intact and complete!after the announcement, we cheered then as I say "yey! yey!", tears began to stream from my eyes..i couldn’t help it…i can’t believe I did it! all my efforts really paid off…thank u lord!it was an inappropriate affect, but i guess, it is tears of joy, as they say..I can stop tears from running down..it will only stop for a while and then when the news hit me again, there it goes again!it just sinked in that i have already passed third year and it’s officially over…i hope this will never end..i enjoyed my stay in third year..i enjoyed lessons learned and the transformation of my being into a better person…i feel bittersweet…ambivalent…gosh! I haven’t cried in school since 2nd grade..yup, i have cried in retreats with my classmates but not again within school corridors…it was a bit embarrassing but what the heck! i can’t fight the feeling! it is very overwhelming…i mean, i’m not happy because i passed, but because we all did! I really can’t help to feel the moment and it was tears that made it perfect!it was the cherry on top of the cupcake..hehe.. drama has never been so good..as i said, the drama never stopped!

here we are after the drama!

so here we are..we stood up and we did it…bring all the fun on! HELLO SENIOR YEAR!!

P.S. I’m already leaving tomorrow for a vacation in the states…honestly, i’m not that thrilled about it…hay..i’m going to miss a lot of fun out here..but it’s ok..i take it as a reward that i have gone through terrortown and survived alive and better then ever! what a relief!

ta ta for now! may 25, 2007

empty but the rest is still unwritten..

the drama never stopped..it has been an exhilarating ride over the past two weeks..

i have been staying up late to study for the series of exams..last week, we had our comprehensive exams which covered all we had learned since first year..i thought, how the hell am i supposed to study all that?!i doubt if i can pull it off. it was the super full blast of third year study time..i have been up until two in the morning for the whole week..i can hardly believe i did it.. I DID IT! it was tiring but it was worth it..too bad i watched too much TV at that time..i haven’t studied much but it was ok..at times,i feel just a bit bad since i’m such a lazy bum and i don’t study as much as others do but i can still pull it off and get higher than them…i got high in 2 subjects..i even bet my friends that i won’t comb my hair if i can’t get 90 or above in one subject…luckily,i got 91!i was too close to getting uglier! (haha!)

this week, we had our final exams..it was also tough but i guess, prayers saved me..i got good results..however, one thing left my whole dreams,well, shattered; gone with the wind..actually,only one quiz did it, one freakin’ quiz, one tough, freakin’ quiz, one stupid, tough, freakin’ quiz, ONE WHATEVER-YOU-CALL-IT QUIZ!

im furious..its amazing how one single quiz can change everything…i got a whooping 60 in that particular quiz and it pulled my grade down..how the heck am i going to pass that whatever-u- call-it (aaargh) quiz if the instruction says that u have to select all that apply and if your answer is wrong, or lacking or exceeds, you don’t get a point..i only got 5 out of 25 items..that’s a 60..so that’s it..that made me fail my Pharmacology… i was so happy that i passed the midterms..but because of that quiz,i did not make it to the cut off in the finals..i did not even think that i could pass the final exams then..but i got 85, so that only shows that if they would drop that quiz, i could pass…i could pass with a grade that would still qualify me for the honors list,hopefully…see, i haven’t had a grade below 86 since my first year…and you have to get a grade of 85 and above to be qualified for cum laude…this nearly made my world fall into crumbs, or worst, dust; almost nothing. i found this out the day before the last day of the exams and i can hardly concentrate that night when i was studying for the next day..i can’t believe this is happening. this could not be happening, i thought..i’m like going into the stages of grieving and right now,im in the stage of denial with a dash of anger…WHY NOW?! WHY?! WHY?! why now when i am this close to getting it? why me? what’s in it for me? LORD,HELP ME SEE THE MEANING OF THIS. i don’t get it. this is like my whole motivation to keep going.. so now,what’s left of me? somebody give me a very convincing reason for me to get over this. because i don’t think i can do it very soon. it will take time, a long one maybe… i feel fine if i’m in school or chatting with my friends about this..i don’t even think this is a big situation. however,by the time that i get home and i’m in touch with my self and when i reflect on this, i realized how i mixed-up i got. its not OK. its just NOT. all i ever have to do is study. i never have to cook for myself, do chores or do my laundry or watch my siblings. i only have to study. and i can’t do it well enough. i’m such a schmuck! you think you know,but you have no idea..you have no idea how this thing can get into people’s nerves and unleash intrusive thoughts and paranoia in them. luckily, i passed NCM and pathophysiology..i feel so ambivalent..its fine but its not…it’s ok since i only have to repeat only one subject,unlike the others. now,i’m sour graping!gosh, this is pulling my hair out!! i hope this would be the last devastating thing left in my academic life..i just can’t take another one. im just thankful to have friends to talk to. they are probably the closest to understand my drama and sentiments. currently,im listening to india arie’s just another day and natasha bedingfield’s unwritten. these two songs are just so powerful that it could still push you to go on inspite all the negativities.

just for today, i’m not gonna worry what tomorrow may bring. i put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward and let God do the rest.

we could feel so empty now but the rest is still unwritten..

whew! i don’t know what i’m going to be if writing never existed!

march 23, 2007

all's well that end's well

whew! at long last,our case presentation is over! over!i felt so good and fulfilled that it went well…after a month or so of rigid preparation,it was all worth it…

last monday,we stayed up late until tuesday morning..i was not able to take my deep sleep..i only rested my eyes for like 30 minutes..and was going to deliver a report on the ana/physio of our case that i prepared about 2 am or so…i felt like my head was floating on tuesday morning when i was up on stage…it was my first time to experience a good 40 hours without sleep…and i’m never going to do it again..i swear..if possible..

but then,all efforts paid off..we had a smooth flow..we had a good case presentation..i could hardly forget our moments..the frustrations,fears..together with the laughs and cheers…we bonded..i personally became closer to my classmates because of this..i kinda miss the moments when we are meeting here at my house just to make things meet the line…i could remember the late nights that several of us spent…making our presentation or breaking the ice by sharing funny and worthwhile stories..or even stopping time just to eat merienda…fish crackers..paho with bagoong..chicken ala king..late night coffees…how i miss the fun!

indeed,this was a fun ride for all of us…and there’s still more to come! cheers 3-c! we did it!

february 3, 2007

stress destroys me!

so far,this is the busiest week of the month…its been a long week for me..since december, we were busy preparing for our case presentation..its super duper exhausting and frustrating at times…since january 2,i only had about 5 days of 8 or more hours of sleep..its not really enough if u exhaust yourself much..like sleeping at 1-2 in the morning then getting up early to be on time for either clinical duty or lecture class…this is the longest time that i ever stayed late..so sleep is really important for me now..if only it is a commodity..(sigh)

it could really be frustrating at times wen it seems like people depend on u,along with others, much…it seems like they don’t exert much effort to make things work fast and good…we are just like all of them..if they are lazy,so are we..if they are tired,how much more us who are staying up late? if they have something to do,we all have…why can’t they just sacrifice their time? or maybe just show some concern?

sad thing is,they do have a lot of potential to make things work but they don’t deliver much…people expect much from us and it is just frustrating to learn that we have not reached the line..

gosh,people just don’t realize what we’ve been through…a day prior to submission,we were still busy editing our output…we stayed up to 4 in the morning just to finish the work..its sad to learn that it seemed like others just haphazardly did their part while we are painstakingly doing ours…at the end,we were still the ones who edited some of their work…i shifted my time and attention to my drug study for the next day and our output..we were so tired by then…not to mention that we still have to go on duty in the next 3 hours…i only slept for 2-3 hours..its not enough especially if u will go on duty in the medical ICU, plus the fact the we would give our meds by then…fortunately,i was not so busy with my patient and i did not compromise care…whew! i was nearly driven to tears by frustration and fatigue…

while i am sleeping, my other classmates went out to print our output..in turn,they never get to sleep…some of them got a bit of reprimand…ahay,kaluoy sa amon…

that afternoon,i slept at 6 and was supposed to wake up at 8 to make my NCP…as i was awakened by our helper, my mind is still boggling with stuff to do..i kept on asking if "it is really fever" without being aware that i don’t make sense at all…i was just being laughed at,the next day..

still a bit tired,i went on duty…it was announced that together with those people who i work with for our presentation, we will be in charge of the contestants for the LITMUS during the u-week…kami man gyapon?? (sigh)…mals and i were just looking at each others eyes,understanding our sentiments… i slept the entire night that day..i was not able to take my dinner anymore…i just compensated for the deprivation of sleep…at least,i have rested well enough to be ready for the next day ahead..

now,i just finished my report this morning and i have another one coming up tomorrow..i still have to look for my journal reading and finish my NCP before monday comes…

i still have a lot to do…i just hope and pray the i can finish all of them before systems bug down..

mals, jeff, bry, isa, and others who have contributed a lot, thanks a million! january 18, 2007

looking back to the terror and gain of doing IT

have u ever done a thing and suffered because u did it? i did..but even if i got my due consequences, i learned from it. It made me grew as a person and it became my story..

i was just reading my message to a friend about the incident that happend to our batch last july. we were caught doing the thing that most students does not even think twice about. It is so usual that it became a habit. It was the "c" thing..cheating..

true,that i was once proud that i was never caught doing it. But now,even typing the word "proud" makes me uncomfortable, to the extent that I’d like to replace the word..my whole world turned upside down when it happened.

i never dreamed of facing a disciplinary action. but it was meant to be. not only i was overwhelmed with fear and held by suspense,i was also drowned in slight depression. it was a whirlwind of emotions…

my consequences?reprimands, disappointments, tears, cancelled quizzes which i got high in, cancelled on-call duty,revised teaching strategies we have to get used to and most of all, cancelled capping ceremony…true enough, these were the lowest moments in our nursing life…but then,looking at the brighter side made me strong and move on..the past makes our present and we must dwell on the moment thrown upon us right now..

my gains?smiles, encouragements, reminders and realizations that made my life turn..its good that i have started to pick up broken pieces this early..what if this did not happen and i stumbled when it was too late already? thankfully, this incident happened and we eventually learned to change..to grow..i never studied and prayed this hard..so it was really God’s will to make me cross this winding road so that I may see Him better and feel his loving prescence which is there all along…nothing compares to it…

indeed,life is a mystery…you will never know what’s next..this may sound a cliche,but really, cheaters never win…i totally get it now..people may not understand me and may continue doing the "c" thing..but they could not really tell because they have not experienced what our batch has been through…the incident that eventually made us one..

trek the rocky road we have taken and then judge…

as i read that message to a friend which contains all the details of my much dreaded moments, i was just smiling ang laughing at myself on how "praning" i was then..i was worried and anxious in just about anything…now,i am more relaxed and at peace because i know deep in my heart that im doing wat is good, beautiful and true…

we will soon be capped as Servien Christi Mariae on december 9…this is the moment we’ve been waiting for..the culmination of our experiences in the portals of st paul..we all deserve this, i believe so…finally,this is it…

as i reminisce what i have gone through from the very first time i set foot on those grounds,i feel a tug in my heart..little did i know that I would undergo life’s striking little stuggles..those molded me to what i am now..little did i know that I would be what I am now…a person,a nurse…hazel…

(sigh..)

nov 28, 2006

welcome to doomsville

oh gosh..i have just arrived at terrortown and entered doomsville and its really pulling my hair everywhere..when will this stop?will this ever stop?i just want to get this over with…i want to,badly…sometimes,i just want to fast forward everything so that i can skip the evil stepmother part and just proceed with the happily ever after and just kiss my prince..but i still have none…

gosh..this was exactly what i’ve been anticipating..and more!i never liked school…it spells stress..pressure..anxiety..fright…and yah,fun.. then i see that ground as my biggest stressor since…i really dont like stress and anxiety..it destroys me..especially that i have watched "a beautiful mind" this morning and i have realized that i could be a schitz! im terrified..petrified..stupified..hehe…but im not going to…i will not…if only i can buy a stress-free happy life…but it’s impossible..

frustrations are ingredients in life..i wonder why…i talk crap here..this is my release page..i just want to break free…(reader:forget this lines..it’s absurd)

i am 2 days sleep deprived..i just need sleep..maybe..maybe if i get a nice and long one tonight i may not talk crap tomorrow..this day is just a hustle and bustle..i almost got late on both my morning and afternoon classes…what a bummer!

stress is not so good for me today..im so sore!

sacrifice but smile in the process..i will just have to tell myself that…

july 6, 2006

understanding a smile through an aphasic's eye

Talk is cheap. We take pleasure in it every minute of the day. It is one of the bare necessities of life. Could you imagine stepping in the modern world and all you can see is everyone being in a silent movie? But wait what if we would all end this way?

This was the unexpected question we met during our clinical duty. As soon as we got our assignments, we proceeded with our patients. As we enter the male ward, we noticed a man, sitting at bed no. 1 observantly watching us enter the room. He seems to be friendly and pleased. Some of us started to mingle with him and his wife. When we started to talk to him, he smiled, nodded, pointed at us in agreement and made incomprehensible sounds. He is aphasic. He can understand us but he can’t respond to us with clear, sensible words. His wife would then try to interpret what he is trying to suggest and talk to us in behalf of him. We could then see how his wife understands him more than anyone else.

During our classroom conference, we decided to help him out through picture aids. We planned it as a group project to make him one. We were so eager even before started doing it. We met on Thursday afternoon to make the plan into action. We cut out pictures from magazines representing words such as “kain”, “inom”, “ligo”, “oo”, “hindi” and many other else that we thought were useful words for him. We glued them to pieces of cut cartolina and labeled them. Then, we covered the cards in clear plastic and fastened them with card rings. We gave it to him the next day. We were so excited to see his reaction.

He was in his usual mood the moment we came to him and explained to him how he should use it. At first, we noticed that he was trying to hold back his tears. Maybe it was because he was shy to face a lot of people. He was just nodding and showing a cheery face to us. Even his wife seems so proud that we have made him such thing that could help him out a lot. She took the time to thank us all. Now, he could express himself better. After a while when some of us left, he just cried. Is it bliss? We call it hope. We call it life.

This was a fulfilling week for all of us. We were so happy that we were able to share our gifts to others. We felt for him in a way that is why we did the project with fullness and an aspiration to make him smile and be glad even with just a simple thing from us.

Circumstances like these pose us questions. Is what we say enough? Do we say things for a good cause?

It’s Yuletide season once again and let us remember God’s love for us. Sometimes, it is not how long you speak to each other but how far you understand one another. Let us live up the spirit of joy and for once, understand a smile through one’s eye.

dec. 27, 2005