what it means to finally get it

As it finally half-sank into my system, i rambled through the internet to find my name, now, as a nurse.

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# 25465 Te, Hazel Joy Uy

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• The first thing that came to my mind was to check if the spelling was correct. and it was! whew! as i looked at our passing percentage, sudden flashes of memory came into my mind. from our review sessions, to our night prayers to the boards itself. i can’t help myself from tears of joy. Our efforts finally paid off! our prayers were all answered.

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• I can’t stop looking at my name. It felt really good to see it right there. it never looked better. hehe! this is the real stat valv moment!

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• The feeling was just surreal. we needed this. and i know, we really deserved it. from the disaster that was junior year, who might think that we were able to bring the bang?! all those hurt and lessons learned paid off.

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• i am also happy that we did it because it was also for our clinical instructors. this is a gift to us as it is for them. speaking of gifts, i have 2 classmates who celebrated their birthday during the release of the result. what a great gift to franz and kenndy!

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• it is really the four years of foundation and hard work that brought us here and not one review center can ever say that they were the ones who made the students pass the boards. we didn’t get any review center but we all passed. we didn’t get one because it was expensive. we will pay twice the fee of the review and in-house package without the review center if we will get one. We got individual reviewers from manila for some subjects but it was really our clinical instructors who built the bulk of what we knew.

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• it was then that i realized that they taught me to be what i am now. ms gotico taught me to believe in my prayers and aspirations as what she said when she was our proctor during one of the exams in my second year. and indeed, believing was powerful. it made my fears fade and i regained hope. i also remembered ms. cormary asked me a couple of times if i’m gonna be cum laude or why i didn’t get to be one. so i thought, she must have really believed that i can and it means a lot that to have someone believe in you even if you have lost the battle and have accepted it a long time ago. and i know she really believed in us and had defended our batch especially when we were much wounded. together with some of our clinical instructors, they never let go.

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• i never got into what nursing is until my sophomore year. and it was sir servidad who showed me what it really is during my first real clinical exposure at the surgical ward in SPH. i was really inspired and saw how fulfilling this is. i was lucky enough to learn to love nursing that early. we all had fun during that shift! and of course, his better half, ms timay.. words cannot define how thankful i am to have her as a mentor and a friend. i’ve told her my thanks in our diary but still, it was not enough. but it’s better that i’ve expressed my thanks than nothing said and done. hehe! sir vargas was also very selfless as our review coordinator. he was with us all the time. we felt that he did everything for our own good. and i can never forget the time when we were all in tears when he expressed his confidence that we will get 100% passing and that he only prayed twice for a 100% passing; one was for the june 2006 and one for us.

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• these people may not know this but i wish our 100% passing was enough to bring fulfillment and much affirmation for the good things we shared for the past 4 years.

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• and for my batchmates, the servien christi mariae 2008, we finally did it. we have been through one hell of a time but we finally proved to the world that we’re not called SCM for nothing. i just know in my heart that some people do not believe in what we can, in what i can, but this is an affirmation to them. gone are the days that we look like trash to people. we are after all, stronger and better. if were not strong enough, we wouldn’t be able to redeem ourselves from our cheating incident. if were not better, we wouldn’t be able to learn lessons in books and life. if we were not strong, we would not have gone through capping, graduation, ring and pin ceremony and through the grueling review classes and the 2-day board exams. if we weren’t better,we would not be called paulinians. and lastly, we are not called servien christi mariae 2008 if we weren’t stronger and better!

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• we are the batch who made history, and will continue to make even more marks into the lives of people. one goal..one family!

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• as i reminisce what i’ve been through, i put a smile on my face. nursing made me the person that i wanted to be. this is what i want to do. my love of reflections and life was captivated as i meet new people, hear different stories of happiness and poverty, experience stress beyond what is imaginable and learning to stand strong. my 4 years in nursing was not always waking up to beautiful mornings (but often sleeping in one, haha!). yup, it was so hard but i never gave up. i know i was on the right path.

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• all of this is not possible without divine intervention. i prayed more than i’ve studied. it always works for me. hehe! the board exam experience made me stronger in all aspects. this is again, an affirmation that prayers are very powerful. the lord heard all of our prayers. and i know he gave this grace to us because he knows we all deserve it. what i am spiritually is between me and Him. he was my source of light, wisdom and strength throughout all this. my heart was His, my mind was His and my hands were His as i answered 500 questions that made me. i can never thank Him enough.

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• this has been a fulfilling journey for me. as i begin a new one as a nurse, i know the lord will still be with me..even if i’m going to be unemployed for a long time…even if im not going to be a nurse in another country for a longer time..hehe!

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• "We’re more than a name or face in the crowd, this is the time of our lives"
• –David Cook, Time of our lives

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• as i said, if this is what they call bliss, i’ll do this all over again in a heartbeat!

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august 2008

the day i became one of them

announcing to the world that i am now a nurse!!!

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july 24, 2008, 8 something-ish in the evening:

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• mama was calling me hurriedly and excitedly. i thought there was some colored-feathered bird or an amusing creature who entered our kitchen. (really, what the heck was i thinking?!) then she told me that the results of the board exam was out! oh my god..oh my freakin’ god! my system began to tremble..i was at a state wherin i did not know what to do..my mind was full of ringing noises and distorted pictures. i think i forgot to breathe at that second! i hurriedly listened to the radio as Bombo Radyo was about to announce the result. they were about to announce my life!

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• i was not able to get much sleep that day since i stayed up late the night before (not to forget on the 20th) in anticipation that they’ll release it on the midnight of the 24th. little did i expect that it will be released that night!

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• i let my brother get my phone as i ran to browse the internet. i was in the living room watching Married Away, a new show, when my adrenaline rushed. 2 messages. 1 was from queencie, she said she needed something..i never got to finish it! i skipped to the other one from my high school friend, edrex. "Friend, congrats! RN ka na..100% daw st pauls tapos daw may nakasulod sa top 10." as i read this, part of me is saying, no! u can’t finish the message. u cannot just believe a text. you have to prove it yourself. then a part of me is saying, "i am a nurse. I AM A NURSE!! FINALLY! we all are!! 100% kami!!"

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• then i logged on to yahoo messenger. nang kim was online. she’s my buddy as we await the results. we chat in order to keep our eyes wide. i told her and the people at home that somebody texted me that we got a 100% passing in the NLE! and one was in the top 10. and i’m still in denial! i won’t believe it until i, myself heard it. she told me that was jeff, he is in the top 8. as i knew of it, i was so happy and proud of him. he deserves it more than anybody i know. kudos jeff!

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• we chatted for a while. this was the real stat valvuloplasty moment! my hand were cold, my breathing gets deeper by the minute and my guts are twisted hard, and hard, and hard. i was super nervous and nauseated by then..i got misty eyed. still, every fiber of my being is trembling in anticipation.

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• 100%???? it lingered in my mind but still i won’t believe it. i clarified to edrex how he got the news. it was in bombo radyo, he texted back. by that time, i was texting "bombo fm service hazel joy u. te st. paul university iloilo" to 29765 as directed so that they can say my name on air if i passed. i swear my fingers felt so numb that i didn’t know if i was typing it correctly! i also informed queencie about it but no reply from her.

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• i checked the internet. nothing. no updates yet. PRC website, BON website, inquirer, nursing crib, my email address..all had nothing for me! at this point, i was pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. half of my attention was on the radio. half was on the internet. and yes, i tripped several times as i went back and forth. i felt like my knees were locked and my feet numb! i couldn’t even say what i was feeling. i mean, i was confident that we will make it but still, possibilities are possibilities.

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• i transfered my laptop in the kitchen where papa was listening to the radio. luckily, the announcer was saying that the results are in just as he turned on the radio. i always knew that there’s an advantage in my part out of papa’s habit to listen to the radio every morning, noon and night even if i’m quite irritated sometimes. so i was sitting there, with my laptop, still chatting to nang kim, listening to updates on the radio, with my webcam video on and still trembling. i wanted to capture my reaction as i pass the boards so i turned on the video.

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• minutes later, it was time. several schools were announced. one of them was SPUI. i did not care what are the other schools, my attention was only narrowed to st paul university iloilo and hazel jou u. te. so ok, the schools were mentioned.."AND THEY HAVE A PASSING RATE OF…100%!!"

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• i just yelled. i yelled yes! and held my hand up high in victory. not 5 seconds later, i was in tears. i sent a message to nang kim and queencie saying that the news is confirmed. my tears kept flowing, and it was captured in the video! yikes! after it was announced that we got 100%, i did not bother to listen anymore. it felt like my ears were not functioning. that was all i needed to hear. i just needed to hear that we got 100% then i can give a sigh of relief. first, i was a limp, now i am deaf! this is how the news got into my nerves! haha! minutes later, my name was on air following nang kim’s. i just said YES! again..

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• after that, numerous text messages and calls arrived. fans!.. they never fail to support..haha! friends texted and most relatives from bacolod called. the phones just kept ringing. we were exchanging phones minutes later. news do have wings! i was just in tears that night. the joy was overflowing. we couldn’t believe this is happening! at last we did it! our batch has been through the worst and now, we have proven to the world that we are and we can!

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• mama then mentioned how is ms timay now that we all passed. i texted her then and congratulated her. after a while, she called me on my cell. that was the time i really cried. she is very dear to our batch and a friend to the royalty girls. i just cried the while time she congratulated me and told me she is so happy. she confirmed that jeff is in the top 8. she told me that since the beginning, she never doubted that we will make it. we are different. that got me into super tears. her call really meant a lot to me.

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• jessica also called. i also cried. hehe. as i heard her say congratulations, i was reminded of the november board takers. they are the next to follow our footsteps and i just know that they, too, will make it. the support that they have given to us was undeniably felt by every june taker. i was also touched that a lot had my number and remembered to congratulate me. this made me even happier.

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• early that afternoon, i don’t know what got into me but i took the BP readings of people at home. little did i know that that was my last as a student nurse. i think this is really where i am meant to be. this is what i want to do.

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• we prayed the rosary in thanksgiving that night.

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• i was not able to sleep until about 3 am and woke up at 6:45. i was half asleep the whole time! i woke up with a headache from last night’s crying. that day, we went to school to be reunited again. this time, as new nurses. we were very elated. we were screaming, laughing and joking around the whole time. we went there to thank our clinical instructors, staff, personnel in the school and hospital who contributed to our new self. we also attended our noon mass at sto. nino chapel.

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• after the mass, we congratulated each other. then somebody yelled, si mother queen niyo! my neck stretched so hard until i saw ms. timay’s head. i went up to her and smiled. then she reached out to hug me. there was something in her hug which drove me to tears, again. i don’t know why but i just cried. after that, we took some pictures and talked a while. we had lunch with her at shakey’s after our short talk. she treated us!(which was not planned of course) hehe..

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• later that afternoon, we attended the nursing assembly at school. an ABS-CBN cameraman was there to take a short video clip of us. too bad i was not able to see it in TV patrol iloilo. the whole nursing body stood up in applause as we went up the stage. we were quite shy at first, but who cares? we passed the board exam! after 5 years, SPUI got a 100% passing again. the crown is back at its throne..hehe!

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• we shouted our goal again. but this time, we passed it on to the rest of the paulinians who are aiming to affix the letters "RN" to their names. WE passed to them our goal which is "to pass and top the board exam!"

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• this day was surreal. i just never stopped smiling. everybody is happy. everybody is satisfied.

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• june 26: my name was on the national papers! for the first time!yahoo!

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• at long last, i became one of them.

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• if this is what they call bliss, i am willing to do this all over again!

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july 29, 2008

it ended.

this marked the end of the road.

• i just finished my board exams yesterday. it has been quite a while that we’ve been preparing for this thing that will define what we’ll be months from now. may tears were shed. more laughs were heard and even more prayers were answered.

• prayers do work in tremendous ways. it was my ally during the preparation and the test itself. it was the Lord who gave me wisdom, confidence and strength which made me take the test calmly and made me choose rational choices.

• at this point in time, i still can’t believe that i have just taken 500 questions in 2 days which will make or break me. but i still believe that we will make it a hundred percent. there are many affirmations for our 100% passing that has been said and seen, especially the rain. it rained on almost all special events of our batch..i prayed that the Lord will show us the meaning of it and i guess rains just remind us that he is there pouring out his blessings.

• we have been reviewing since november 2007 and we went for an in house review last May. the preparation made me realize that i have a very poor study habit which is not even structured. (haha!) i never liked studying but once i start, fascination almost always take place. thank God! there were a lot of funny moments during our in house review. i will never forget getting up to exercise and jog along the study hall together with jerly, queencie and kwini just to combat the impending melatonin toxicity. every body would just then laugh!

• the exams had been tough. we expected many things that did not came out. not even a single question or even a word. unfortunately, some of the things that came out did not even came in our minds. we just resorted to a hypothesis; an intellligent guess. (hehe)

• i am anxious of the results but i am still holding on that God will give us the reward of passing the June exams. i know we deserved it.

• i have been waiting for this day since i was a kid that i will never have to stay up late nights doing paperworks and reading tons of concepts. it never felt better! my endorphins are going out of their shells. it has been tough and fun and the memories will live on forever. this was the last day that we have been together and i got teary eyed after our thanksgiving mass. this was the culmination of our four years in college. the friendship was just so overwhelming. i feel that we just don’t share the same batch but we are a family. we are the servien christi mariae 2008 that made a mark in each other’s lives. i am so happy with the overwhelming support of everyone, my family, relatives, best friends, fellow servien, clinical instructors and friends from the lower years. even just a single "good luck, you can do it, we’re praying for you" can drive me to tears the past days. those are the most grueling 500 questions which we should not take for granted. those will make us registered nurses.

• now,as we patiently await the result, may the lord grant us confidence and assurance that we will have a 100% passing in the june nurses licensure examination.

Go servien! love u mucho!

• P.S. what is our goal?? TO TOP THE BOARD EXAM!

june 3, 2008