Bottom's Up 2009

This is my own version of the annual "year end report". It's my first time to do a recap of my year in all its highs and lows. I just want to put up some trends in my blog starting this new year. =) And so, Bottom's Up is first. It will be a rundown of the happenings that made or broke my year starting with the things that made me go rock bottom to the things which places me up there in the stairway of whatchamacallit.

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So here goes..Bottom's up!

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• 15. PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE MOMENTS - This is the year where separate lives are born and friendships are tested to its core. Some of my friends already label it the PAL symdrome because of its over usage! haha! It's lonely to be alone, nevertheless, missing people can make the coming back worthwhile. Just make sure to come back, you nitwits!
• 14. BUMNESS - I am understimulated this year. As I was saying, I've reached a plateau where anything seems silent and flat amidst the buzz outside of my circle. I have not exercised my license yet. I haven't put it to risk. What a bummer!
• 13. GLOBAL WARMING - This year was a cacophony of Mother Earth's impending wrath. Typhoon Ondoy and Pepeng affected more lives than we can ever imagine. News about endangered sea creatures drifting to the shoreline were also increasing. This just means their habitat is not safe anymore that's why they are escaping. Plus, the scorching heat of everyday is just unbearable! Do we really need to hear this monstrosity before we listen to nature?!
• 12. DEATHS - Celebrity deaths from Francis Magalona to Michael Jackson and Cory Aquino. Not to mention a couple of family acquaintances. This year is just plain morbid.
• 11. NO LEYTON - Lucas and Peyton, my favorite One Tree Hill characters were cut from the show's seventh season. Staying true to the OTH flag, I still watch the show and the story is getting better as the season goes, but I still miss the two.
• 10. ONLINE SHOPPING - From books to wardrobe, online shopping at Multiply.com is fun! I bought a lot of books online this year..Plus those that were given as gifts! Now I have lots to catch up on!
• 9. EFREN AND MANNY - Efren Penaflorida and Manny Pacquiao are two of the Philippine's pride! It was my first time to see a Pacquiao match live this year. I never thought I would enjoy it with all its testosterone might, but I actually did! The Pacquiao-Cotto match was a hit! As with Efren Penaflorida, his being really inspires me. His acceptance speech at the CNN Hero of the Year always makes me teary eyed, whether seeing, hearing or reading it. He is a man worth emulating. And of course, there is Arnel Pineda and Charice. Oh well.
• 8. LIFE - They say if something's gone, something will have to replace. This year, two of my cousins gave birth. Cousin Vic Vic to a chubby Miakka and Cousin Angging to twin boys. We are very excited to have the first twins in the family! I am Miakka's Ninang as well as Dennison's, the twin's older brother. Babies are adorable!
• 7. THE CEBU-BOHOL TRIP - This was the most fun family vacation to date! We went on a trip to both cities via land. If only the van walls could talk! haha!
• 6. RIGHT TO SUFFRAGE - Yes, I am finally a registered voter and it will be my first time to vote in the May 2010 elections. I am currently raising awareness on who to vote. (etchos!)
• 5. DRIVING LESSONS - I was not able to make an entry about my driving lessons last time. I took one a couple of months ago and thanks to my kick-ass married-twice mother of an instructor, I am already driving on the road! Not alone yet though.. I still have to convert my student's permit to a license.
• 4. GRADUATE SCHOOL - After 1 year, I am currently on my last 6 academic units. Comprehensive exams and a thesis to go then I'm done!
• 3. PLURK AND TWITTER - If you can't plurk it, tweet it! haha! Plurk, Twitter and Facebook are my ways to stay updated with peeps as well as expressing my everyday quips. If not for them, I'll live in solitary mood all year long! Plus, celebrity replies in Twitter make my day!
• 2. GLEE - My favorite new season show!! Underdogs + musical = Hazel's love!!! My heart goes out to them! It's my midweek stress buster and it never fails to make me smile every time they belt out a song! I get teary eyed with their heartfelt songs! I also play their songs at You Tube repeatedly if I'm really digging it! I am a certified Gleek!!!
• 1. THE RED, YELLOW AND ROUND - This DH thingy is weird and is driving me bananas but sometimes, if not most of the time, it is the only one I've got to escape boredom and depression (especially during those idle internet times) and I found my newest best friend because of it. There are 6 billion people in the world, but sometimes, all you need is one...- one hell of a person, or a non-person for that matter! hahaha! Happy Friday on New Year's!

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There you go! My 2009. Nothing really interesting there. Just bumness in between. Nevertheless, affirming the positives is food for the soul.

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2010 is something waiting to unfold. Anxiety is written all over it in my calendar but I'm definitely looking forward to brave the coming storm and enjoy the sunny side up of it!

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Wishing you all good tidings and smiles! Happy New Year!

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Love and Bliss!! Mwah!

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Listening To: Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone

9 Lessons in 2009

Every year is just a mere page of a book waiting to unfold. This year, I reached a plateau where everything seems the same but when you look back, it was different. I feel like I've changed without instantly knowing it; like I am a different person now. One day, I just felt that snap like I've changed. I felt like I was lazier, crankier, an emotional roller coaster, there are also times that I am better and times that I am worse, but more that that I feel more alone. This is the first of the many years to come that friendships are apart and separate lives are born.

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At first, I attributed this change in me from too much internet usage. I spend a bulk of my day in front of a laptop and my interactions are now in pixels rather than in voices and expressions. Now I know how the computer age can change you without even knowing it. But then again, a lot has happened that made its effect on me. This has brought about highs and lows over the past months. Human as I am, I falter but in time, I got my groove back.

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I want to share my life's lessons in 2009. Extracted from the shambles of the year, I learned, and I learned well. Here they are:

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1. Some things are not worth the rush. We often want things to be done but we lose sight of time. Things do not simply fall in time, they fall in God's time. Great things and plans await us. Just wait.
2. Do what you deem is right for the present moment that will lead you to the future. We don't have to follow the flow of the happy river. Just move even if it's rocky. You'll be surprised of how many fishes will follow your route.
3. Some people are just there to disappoint. You'll have to endure those moments because one moment will not numb you for the next one. Choose your battles. Do not waste your time on petty things but do not allow yourself to be indifferent. Help, as long as you can.
4. The internet is sheepishly evil but satisfyingly good. 'Nuff said.
5. You cannot push something as an immediate concern to people who do not regard that thing as a priority. You will just frustrate yourself of understanding. It also goes out to communication as well. You cannot make them talk to you or hang out if you are not a priority of the moment.
6. "People always leave. But sometimes, they come back." - That's why it's called 'sometimes' because more often than not, they don't. It's only in the sacred space in our hearts that there is an "always and forever". Missing them only means the coming back is worthwhile because when the time is right, goodbyes doesn't mean forever.
7. Never ever give up on friendship. They may wreck your limbic system out of emotions unknown to man, but they are still treasures. Distance, whether space, place or time, is a piece of sh*t, for lack of a better term. Constant communication may be the key but it is definitely not enough. Make time for a physical bond to strengthen the heart bond. Make time!
8. A genuine smile is more often harder to elicit than a mere laugh. People can make you laugh but only a few can make you smile.
9. No one can define the entirety of life and love. What only matters is we live it in its meat and core. Sometimes we tend to focus on the icing that we forget about the cake.

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Live life! Love life! (I meant the latter as a cheer for an upcoming love life not a cheer for loving life! Hahaha! Kidding! =D )

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Happy Holidays!! May you have a fruitful year ahead of you! Thank you for being a part of my 2009 for merely reading my entries and sharing your insights on a couple of my raves and rants.. Hugs and mwah! Have a merry 2009 and a greater 2010!

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Love and Bliss!

12 Gifts of Craze-mas

This is my own version of an outrageous Christmas wishlist. Just warming up from blogging hiatus due to a writer's block for quite a while. These may be over the top but Santa, if you can hear me, I would really love to have these things for Christmas! Haha!

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Here are the 12 gifts I would dream to have this chrHAZEmas in no particular order:

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1. A mini library for my (still) mini book collection, filled with novels and book sets and a stunning ability to arrange them according to the Dewey Decimal System. Currently, I arrange my books by appearance since I have no inkling on how to arrange them.
2. To try eating on one of the pig out spots featured on Discovery Travel and Living's Man v. Food which is currently one of my favorite shows. I swear I'm gonna try to finish those calorific treats!
3. To have an all expenses paid overseas vacation with my closest friends. (who wants to come? haha!) - Again, inspired by Discovery's Travel and Living!
4. All 5 Shopaholic Series book set and all 10 Princess Diaries Series book set. Saw them last week and they would really look good in that mini library!
5. Digital SLR camera and a free one on one tutorial until I shoot like a pro (haha!)
6. A home theater equipped with reclining soft seats and a popcorn stand
7. Original One Tree Hill, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, Gossip Girl, Mercy, The Vampire Diaries DVD box sets in complete seasons. Plus, Disney Classics and Musicals won't hurt! Of course I need something to watch on that home theater!
8. An in house masseuse ready to unkink those stubborn muscles 24/7!
9. To work as a production staff in a acclaimed Hollywood film
10. For Iloilo to have regular Broadway play productions that comes in an affordable All Seasons Pass so that instead of going to the movies, I can enjoy shows with art and substance.
11. The gift of discernment which would allow me to think with reason and foresight on what roads to take
12. And of course...dun-dun-dun-dun...True love's first kiss! Haha. Hilarious.

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There you have it folks! Things that money can't buy but my friends can't! haha! A girl can dream, right?!

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Merry Christmas Frecklesnoots! Dream big and dream on! harhar.

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Love and Bliss!

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Listening To: A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin

Recycle Bin

This week is crap in all its crappy glory. I've been feeling low again- alone, invisible. And, I've been ditched THRICE on New Moon! I need a breather!

It has been a while that I haven't been tapping keyboards for a blog entry. Maybe this is just what I need; to surrender myself to the power and comfort of written words.

Time and time again, this crap creeps into me like a stranger in the night, sudden, mysterious and unwanted. Maybe it has come to a point where I cannot shrug it off already. I feel lonely and invisible. Moments like this makes me want to have someone, that guy who can strip off this invisibility cloak or maybe go in so that somebody could see me on the inside.

The truth is, I feel like I don't matter that much to people in the circle now. It's far off from what we've had. I missed those times. Now, I feel like a neuter, a mere spectator. I remembered a line from the movie, The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2, there will always be someone who will know last. At times I also wanna be asked; the one who is chased, not the one who comes after. And lately, more often than not, reaching out just falls into frustration. This is just not another KSP moment. This is a cry for sensitivity and remembrance, for updates, for group hugs and pep talks.

Then again, as I keep telling myself, you cannot push importance to something if it is not a priority to someone. This doesn't goes out to things but to people as well. You cannot expect them to talk to you or be with you if you're not on top of the list. (ouch!) If you feel otherwise, you will just frustrate yourself. Lesson learned, people.

This is just a phase. A phase to what I call, the "Recycle Bin Syndrome". You can throw the sorrows away but you can retrieve it anytime. It's just a matter of choice. Now I sound like a gibberish blah! Tomorrow is gonna be a brand new day. Or maybe yet, change is today.

If people don't understand, then let me speak in the shoes of Lucy in While You Were Sleeping: "You have no idea how it is to be alone."

Love and Bliss!

Goodbye..

Hellos are coupled with farewells. Here are some lines from my recent read, The Time Traveler's Wife which relates and remedies my "People Always Leave" syndrome in a couple of ways:

"It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays."

"I won't ever leave you, even if you're always leaving me."

"Sometimes I'm happy when he's gone, but I'm always happy when he returns"

"I wanted someone to love who would stay: stay and be there, always."

"I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks, I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?"

Looking at this photo, I can't help but wish we can stay near to each other. Long distance relationships are not only for couples, they struck friendships as well. We had a fun time last night but after all the laughs, we will eventually go on separate ways in the coming weeks. Hellos were exchanged. Now, you know what's next. Now only if I have Clare Abshire's consistent unfailing strength for being the one who stays.

Love and Bliss!

Wedding Bliss

Two weddings in a week. Three so far in this year. More to come? Maybe.

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Weddings always fascinate me. I am one of those girls who grew a fondness of the celebration of love and unity as a little girl. Ironically, my fondness did not come from being a part of the entourage. I had been a Flower Girl for several couples, including a bride that I hated simply because she was a fan of my most hated team in basketball when I was a kid! haha! A child's mind is amusing, isn't it?! But generally, I am not totally ecstatic by the thought of walking down the aisle in a gown that itches everywhere, holding a basket of ribbons and flowers, usually the less pretty among the flowers of the entourage, wearing a hair so stiff with spray net that the whole entourage can start a forest fire if were lit! haha! I know Flower Girls of the past can attest to this. Even wearing lipstick is a stress! I always pucker up my smackers since I don't want my lipstick to be smudged or faded. I ended up not closing my lips completely..haha! *Manol!*

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My fascination of weddings started with the wedding reception. We, Pinoys have grandiose wedding receptions. As I kid, I am fascinated with the program itself; by the releasing of doves, bouquet and garter toss and the intermission numbers. As I grew up, I have grown a fondness for words and begun to have a soft spot for wedding speeches. At an early age, a fact has dwelt on me - weddings make me cry. I always regard weddings as beautiful and blissful. The look of the couple on their special day just exudes radiance and pure bliss that seems to envelop the whole crowd. It's that same peaceful feeling you get when you are surrounded by babies sleeping quietly and some, sucking their thumbs. Weddings always place me in wishful thinking. A girl can dream, right?!

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Earlier tonight, attended the Silver wedding anniversary of a family friend. Having 25 years of wedded bliss is indeed a blessing. They were a fun couple and something in them projects maturity in love. Love is always by quality and not quantity.

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They say, there is nothing compared to the early years of love. Last Saturday, I happen to attend the wedding of Don's sister, after much demand from him for the reason that I made their script. (Lame reason..haha!) I was hesitant at first but later on I just said yes, after an "insistent demand" from the brother of the bride-slash-groomsmen-slash-emcee. I went with Queenie, Don's co-emcee. It was my first time to attend alone, with only friends to tag along. I had a great time meeting new friends, talking to them and having a good laugh!

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It was also my first time to join the bouquet toss. At first, I thought they were only joking that we need to grab a rose. I did not realize that the person who doesn't have one, will be the winner. haha! How slow of me! After the toss, a rose slipped through a flick of my hand and I did not mind it. It was a bit later that it has come to my consciousness, if I still have one at all, that I need to get one to be safe. Luckily, the conspiracy against Nang Shine and Lech was on. Every girl has to have one except her. haha! Evil us! I think it was Nang Percy who handed me one. (Thanks again!)

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Came the garter toss- Lech's supposed to be moment. But Don, bantay salakay that he is, grabbed the garter in a bat of an eyelash! Of course, the Beast wanted his Snow White more than anything so if he can't grab the garter, he will grab the one who caught it! Haha! Soon enough, we found the two of them flat on the floor with Don holding the garter for dear life! That literally took our breath away from laughing out loud!

"Victory!!!"

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On top of this all, it was really nice to see the couple radiantly happy that night. I caught up a few glances to them while they were looking at the performers and the slide shows. The look was priceless. If that was the look of love, I would like to have the same in the future. I will. We'll see. Being a softie at wedding speeches, it made me teary eyed when the bride expressed he acknowledgments. It is almost the bride at every wedding who gushes at how much it means to her. What more can a girl ask, that a dream come true?

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Nevertheless, I really had a fun time with the bouquet toss, garter toss and the top-billing "Snow White and the Beast" gibbers! Hahaha! Not bad for my first non-family wedding. Not bad at all!

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Weddings are one of the joys in life and every girl has been dreaming of it until their big day. Yes, weddings are milestones. But we must not forget that life itself is one.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

First.

I saw The Time Traveler's Wife last Monday, September 14. It was my first time to see a movie alone. I had a good me-time in a long while. The feeling of watching a movie alone was really peaceful. There were like only 10 of us in the theater that afternoon. Most of them had dates while I am alone, treating myself for I deserve it much. The movie was really good! Not really a must see but it's a breather amidst the stereotype of the movies now. The plot was really unique and it makes you think deeper of what true love is. This movie will make you believe that love transcends time and it really is intensified by absence. I give this a two thumbs up! If you are a hopeless romantic movie buff, just like me, you HAVE to watch this flick!

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Anyways, I have not been writing for a while now. I have been going on practicum clinical duty for my Advance Medical Surgical Nursing 3 course. As usual, I still lack confidence in what I was doing. I don't know if it's the assessment tool that I'm using or my skills are just too amateur. But then again, learning is a process. This is work in progress. I'm glad I am finished with the requirements ahead of the others and I have already submitted the written reports yesterday. I am almost done with the course! Hardwork, discipline and being diligent pays. I am really proud of myself that I was able wo work on this faster than what I would usually do. I loved to look at the 2 folders containing 126 pages of hard work combined that I submitted! Maybe the diligent gene finally broke its dormant state in my body.. haha! Nah...I just want to get this over with so that I could start with my research proposal ASAP. The idea of having my second degree next year excites the best in me!

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I really had a fun time yesterday! Dinner with Graduate School CI, CI-turned-classmates and other classmates was fun! It was my former CI, Ms. Cormary's Birthday yesterday. Since she's our classmate, she treated our class for dinner at Imay's. It was really really really fun! Maybe one of the funniest dinners I have been to. God knows how censored the birthday girl's blabbers were. Hahaha! My Golly! haha! (shakes head!) Those chats were just beyond morals! hahaha! Nevertheless, it was my first time to go out on a dinner like that. All of them were not really close to me but I had a fun time! It's nice to have your former instructors ans classmates and friends now. This graduate school experience is really different for me but it made me better in more aspects than one. I enjoyed it!

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And also, the books that I've been waiting to get from Don arrived already! Yipee! I'll read The Time Traveler's Wife and One Tree Hill: A Heart So True soon! I still need to convince Don to let me pay for them although I know that my efforts will be useless! (Haha!) I also got another one at National Book Store last night. What is with me and my unintentional fate of getting many books all in one day?! I bought the Expanded Medicine Blue Book, which I should've gotten before my practicum duty. Oh well, I will still need it later on. It is only this time that I have this enthusiasm to learn much. If only, I had this when I was in college...Nonetheless, it is never too late.

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Love and Bliss!

A Day in the Critical Care Unit

I would like to tell people how I assessed my fourth client today using the same tool and how I am getting a hang of it already. I would like to tell them how difficult it is to assess a client who cannot speak because of an Endotracheal tube and can only communicate through gestures and writing. But instead, I want to tell them how distressing it is to be conscious and feeling the discomfort of tubes attached to your body, how frustrating it is to try to speak but you just can’t, to try to be understood but could not completely be.

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I would also like to tell people how student nurses can at times be inefficient in the area, how surprisingly; they haven’t completely mastered some of the basics such as abbreviations used in the diagnosis and they still need to hone their skills and time management more. I would like them to know that I saw a seizure episode but I am was sure if it really is. I would like to tell them how we failed to get the air bubbles out of the IV tubing and felt so small after our preceptor showed us a simple trick and successfully got rid of the bubbles in a bat of an eyelash. But instead, I would tell them how hard it is to supervise five students and how big the responsibility of a clinical instructor is. I want to tell them of the pressure that one feels to be always on top of the game, to be always ahead of the others and to impart to them all that you have for them to become better and inspire them to be. I realized how hard it is to make sure you are better than the students so that you won’t feel embarrassed that you are not any other different than them. I want to tell them that I can’t help but think if we were also like that when we were senior students in the area. I would like to tell people that I have also tried to do the trick to get the bubbles out and successfully did. I would tell them I learned something new, no matter how simple it is. I learned.

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I would also like to tell people how I watched a patient die today. I would like to tell them that I was hesitant at first to assert that I would like to try doing CPR up to the point that it was misinterpreted that I don’t want to. I would like them to know that my forearms hurt from Ambu bagging and CPR takes my breath away, literally. But instead, I would want to tell people how I felt hope during every chest compression that I made, how I tried to straighten my elbows and pushed my weight on him and how I watched every quiver of his heart from the heart monitor. I would like to tell them that I saw this client for a month now since I started being a research assistant and I saw how his physical condition deteriorate. I was planning to assess him as my fifth client before he stepped in the line of death. I would like to tell them how hard it is to decide for the life of a young man, a man who has his own story to tell, a man who will leave those stories with the many people who is significant to him. I would like to tell them of the moment when his girlfriend held his hand and encouraged him to listen to her and to fight. I was not sure if it broke everybody’s heart but it sure left a sting on mine. I watched tracings on his heart monitor, trying to decipher what ECG reading it is but I can’t. I don’t know how. All I know is every quiver signifies hope. Every quiver means life.

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Such is life. Lines are not always straight. Poems do not always rhyme. Maybe life is just about shockwaves and quivers because it is not perfect. It should not be. Life would only be perfect if those quivers end up as flat lines, because it is then that we will know, we are in better hands.

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Expect the unexpected. This is a day inside a critical care unit.

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Love and Bliss!

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August 26, 2009

The Big Bang Three-ory

• BIG BANG 1: Money, Money, Money..Must be funny..In a rich man's world..

Got my first salary last August 7!! Being a research assistant is good. I get to learn a lot and anticipate what will be in store for me as I conduct my own thesis in the following semesters. Loved it! I did not expect that I will me given my first compensation that day. I thought it would be on the end of the month when everything is finished. I was just hiding my smiles when she handed it over me..hehe! yipee! Until now, I haven't figured out what to buy with my first pay. But I am happy that I will be able to give part of it as my tithe in church.

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Another thing, last weekend, I received the biggest Ang Pao amount ever! 5 digits, baby! It was given by Papa's client. She also gave my siblings the same amount. Richness! haha! I haven't even met her. I just know that she owns good businesses here and in Bacolod. I really gasped upon seing the amount. Upon handing the Ang Pao over and hearing Papa and Mama, I know it's a good amount but I did not expect that it was THAT big. I immediately thought of things to buy but then again, I realized in a snap that it was a cheque..hahaha! It will be just deposited in our accounts..Oh well, life is a blessing!

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• BIG BANG 2: Conquering the world, One Tree Hill at a time...

Look at what I've got! haha! After months of waiting and a night of vexation (hihi), finally, it's in my evil hands...(muwahaha!) Got to finish it the other night. I read it in just one sitting. It's like the prequel to One Tree Hill's Season 1. Not as interesting as the first season but I liked it anyway. Thanks to Don for buying us our poison! haha! Keep my two other drugs safe there with you for a while..hehe! I feel like I can never thank you enough for being such a konsintidor...hahaha! Thanks for a hefty supply of poison. Gosh, I am such a twit!

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• BIG BANG 3: Take everyday, one heart attack at a time.

The other week, I was informed that I may, I repeat, I may graduate in May 2010. HUWAATT?! How am I supposed to comply with all the darn requirements?! I thought I was supposed to complete the 2 remaining subjects next semester, take the comprehensive exams in the summer then complete my thesis by October next year. But apparently, I can complete the 2 subjects next semester, take the exams by March, and finish the thesis by summer. Talk about academic dumpster! Whew! So easy to hear, so much harder to do. Ugh! As long as there is enough oxygen in my system, everyday will just be transient ischemic attacks!

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening To: I'll Never Fall In Love Again by Elvis Costello

In The Sea of Yellow

Do we really have to wait for death to know and appreciate how remarkable a person is?

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In the light for Former President Corazon C. Aquino's death, I have come to realize that Cory did not do something extraordinary of political strength..She just goes to show that a man of virtue can lead..Yes, she may have initiated democracy but generally, she just kept the value of honesty, humility and spirituality to guide her steps. She really sees to it that when she serves, she gives it her all. She stoops down to the level of people for them to be able to reach out to her so that the people won't tire their necks looking up on authorities. She always thinks of the people before herself..even on the brink of death, because that's what she is, not what she's supposed to be.

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There are a lot of reasons to love yellow, and Cory is one. All Filipinos would definitely agree that she is one remarkable icon in history. Everybody is aware of this tragedy. But have you come to realize that not only this woman, who is close to the hearts of all Filipinos, has been struck by cancer? A man, who is known to all has been suffering longer. A man, who is the Filipino itself, Juan de la Cruz. As inspired by a column of Conrado de Quiros, I agree that a disease has spread in the nation; a disease of filth in its metastatic form. I am still in the state of wishful thinking that our political leaders would rise above themselves and emulate what a true leader Cory was. She was merely a housewife, but she has that willpower and advocacy to run a nation; a nation worthy of calling our own. Now, who could beat that?

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Undeniably, our nation has been so frustrating. Our leaders should hopefully find it in the light of Cory's death to change. We don't need all those facts and figures to appreciate that we can rise. All we need is to see a better change. Evil should be the means for love to come about and rule, and not to dissolve in invisibility.

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So, are we ready for Juan dela Cruz to die? Can we take it?

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Cory has been the epitome of a leader, a woman and a mother. And the sad fact is, she can't be a mother to Juan dela Cruz anymore. It should be us, the Filipino people, who should be responsible for nursing him back to health. The cancer may not be of metastatic filth anymore but a contagious cornucopia of peace, love and faith. Let us fight to save ourselves so that we may call this nation our own.

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Indeed, a lot is to be learned, appreciated and realized in death. A measure of a person can be known in death, on who he really is, in depth. Truly, President Aquino has lived a fair battle. Many wishes to celebrate a day in the year in her memorial, some wants to make a movie of her life, some even wants her to be a saint. What's next? A monument? As I quote Conrado de Quiros, "The only monuments that last forever are those you build in the heart."

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I agree.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening To: Love of My Life by Jim Brickman

A Cacophony of Nothingness

I can barely believe that it had been one whole year that I am a nurse, a professional bum for that matter. Last July 24 marked 365 days of unemployment and career misdirection. Yes, I had made a few bucks with my online shop but nothing close to having a career with my license on hand and at stake.

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Though I am currently pursuing Graduate Studies, I am still constantly bumped by the questions, "Now what?", "What happens next?", "Is this all you can do for a productive time?" Yes, I am a full time student. I usually spend my weekdays finishing paper works due on weekends. But that was last semester. This time, I am quite relaxed with requirements. My current subjects does not require endless paperworks yet. This time, we are more on lectures and paperworks will come towards the end of the semester. The big shebang would be my research proposal for my thesis, which I haven't had a final thought of. I am currently on the pursuit of my 33rd unit. The Masters program has 46 units. That means, I have to finish 2 subjects in the second semester, take my comprehensive examinations possibly in the summer then finish my thesis by October next year. Well, on the optimist point of view, it will be just 1 year more for me to get the coveted MAN degree. But come to think of it. It will be another 365 days of unemployment and bumness.

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You may say that getting a job is the solution to this bumness. But you see, a job as a nurse is not the easiest thing. It's much more easier to pass the boards than to look for a job. Plus, if I stop being full time in my masters, when will I graduate? Let alone another semester? So as much as I also wanted to be one of those hospital nurses, I think I have to be realistic enough and focus in my direction. Although, at times, I can't really help but refer to myself as unproductive. Getting up in the morning late enough not to have breakfast, Plurking, Tweeting, chatting and doing some homeworks. That's my typical day lately.

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I really wanted to do more. But I don't want to make the same mistake again of rushing into things and falling short of a flop. I've learned a lesson early on and have come to realize and accept the consequences. This is where career misdirection # 1 took place. Original Plan: Apply, Review and Take NCLEX.... Evilness: long story..refer to previous blog entry .... Rebound Plan: Take up Masters. Until now, I have not applied for NCLEX. I have placed it low on my to-do list. After all, America is just there; just there preparing herself again, building up bucks, getting ready for me.. (bwahahaha!)

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Lately, my book whore soul has been awakened. Buying books really comfort me. I don't know but maybe this is my subconscious taking her throne. This career stressor has been bugging me and maybe I do need comfort. And what better way to ease it that buying books. I told myself that I won't buy again for this year since there are a lot of titles waiting for me to be read. It looks like I hoard books now rather than collecting them. I just bought 2 titles this week and I may buy another one, or two soon. Hay life! It's really a dog-eat-dog out there! Maybe I just really need a breather even if my life seems a breeze now. Hanging in the air can also be tiring. Thoughts bug your head.

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So this is my life in a year, darlings... Not as productive as others but I can be contented. Though I can't deny that I don't have to rush work since this household's daily needs is sustained, I still want my own career path. I still want my own success. Oh well, one step at a time, right? I always say, I have to finish my Master's Degree so I'll just go straight. Anyway, once I have it, it would be like my all seasons VIP pass to employment. So, let's just wait and see. No rushing.

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Right now, I am a research assistant (career misdirection #2..hahahaha!)... At least it's an additional compensation for me. I see it as my practice job..hehe! Giving your all, satisfying people... and all that jazz!

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Yes, the future is super scary for me but I'm definitely looking forward to it! Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be blogging about my ramblings and complaints on how tasky thesis writing is. Because hopefully, it just means I can finish and graduate in October 2010.

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P.S. Congratulations to the Angeli Illuminati Christi for having a 100% passing rate in the June 2009 Exams! The results were released on July 25, exactly 1 year and 1 day after we got ours.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

Weekend: L.I.F.E. in a Nutshell

This was one of those giddy, flowy and just plain good weekends I had. And as the hours unfold, I found myself inside one of those cartoon tents in which it's just an ordinary thing outside but impossibly big inside wherein it's close to a palace already. (Seen it?) I felt like that was my Saturday and Sunday, ordinary routine but I had a glimpse of what I think is the entirety of life, as we know it.

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• L.- Love and Lost

Last Sunday was a family and friends day. Apart from not having enough sleep that night, I had lunch with Kai and Queencie. Kai was home for the weekend for the burial of her lolo, and evil as I am, I immediately thought that we should meet up, for old time's sake.. hehe! And we did! It was a lighter and happier mood this time, unlike the day she left for Manila that I felt like our eyes were wells of tears! haha! This time, we were in our usual crazy-happy mood catching up on little details of our topsy turvy and as much as I don't wanna say it, separate lives. =( It swells my heart reliving moments like these. We had quite a lengthy chat about school, friends, life, love, lost, and a little gossip won't hurt too. hehe! Speaking of lost, how can one thing be lost if not yet found?! Well, Queencie had her share. hihi! Now, it's safe to say, that 4 Royalty Girls are very much single and available! haha! Hmmm...makes me wonder, maybe the royal standards are just too high that "commoners" can hardly stand it... hahahaha! Love is what it is, darlings.. We just have to put extra value in it to make it secure and worthwhile.. Right, girls? haha!

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After our short lunch date, I went home so that we could get ready to hear mass. Afterwhich, we had our usual Sunday Eat-outs. It was kind of a different mood while we're eating. We talked about fun and a lot of different stuffs that night; school, work, modus operandis, the 1920's debut we attended the day before, and even another botched up wedding (tsk tsk). See? Life is about love and lost here. I just love my family and friends. They are my home. Boyfriend? Coming soon... (hahaha!)

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• I.- Imperfection Intervention

Human as we are, we're dressed and stuffed by imperfections. Over the last week, I was annoyed by someone and this person's habit of being so indifferent on things of important concern. And I am not the only one who had felt the offense. I talked about this thing to persons whom I can seek affirmation and/or validation regarding my reactions to this, and more or less, they agreed because they have also experienced it, same person and not. What we agreed upon is that we had never understood why that person acts that way and a big block is that the reason was never always verbalized.. Oh well! Whatever. And as we talk about the "love that was lost", we also agreed that he needs to find himself first before he could go on. Bottom line, we need change. We cannot be just who we are because we may not be aware that we are already pissing someone's head off! Change for the better, darlings...

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• F.- Finding Happiness, Enjoyment and Meaning

Almost anyone will agree that life is only worthwhile if you are happy, enjoying and finding meaning in everything. I has happy this weekend, I definitely enjoyed and everything almost had its meaning. Although, there are just some things quite irrelevant and pointless but you can;t help to find meaning and enjoy it. My Grad School classes were good last Saturday. We had no class on Advanced Statistics to start off. hehe! I was also kinda surprised myself that I think I grew an interest in Research. Our Research class was really good this time, simple but to the point. And as usual, classes with Ms. Junsay are a blast!

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After class, I got home and got ready for Fritzie's Roaring 1920's debut party. (see video here) It was a fun, fun, fun party! Probably the best one I've ever been too! Almost everyone was in their 1920's attire, including us of course. If I has known that the prize for best costume is an iPod Shuffle, I should have stepped it up.. haha! It was also my first time to wine and dine on the fullest of a full course meal! Chef Gene Gonzales prepared the super sumptuous meal! (He's the one who cooked for Juday and Ryan's wedding) I loved the main course , Beef Steak with Truffle best! The dessert was merengue with berry glaze and Ylang Ylang cream sauce. It was my first time to taste a flower! haha! Delish! Smells good too! Each course was served with fine wines shipped from Manila. The Torrontes and Moscatel (award winning one) were stocked out and served there. So, those wines cannot be found anywhere in the country but there at the party. Nice! I think I've had 4 little rounds of 3 different kinds that night. The food really does taste good if paired with the perfect wine. I just wish I was a wine monster so that I could drink more. haha! I also loved the program. There was a service and a small coming out ceremony at the beginning. I absolutely love when the family danced the Tango! I was also fascinated by the dancers who did the Charleston. A lover of all things old and classic, that was my kind of party! Whoever said money can't buy happiness is correct. But money can definitely buy enjoyment, a whole heap of it!

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• E. - Expect the Unexpected

We went home after the party that night. And as I went down the stairs, something happened! haha! I slipped and fell down a step or two! Gosh! haha! Must have been the wine?! hahaha! Even as I stood up my feet were crossed! haha! A couple of guests saw me, but who cares?! People fell down stairs always! It's not a one-in-a-million sight! haha! But my brother has that disgusted look on his face! boo hoo! The morning after, I saw a bruise on my hand. Bruce, my bruise is back! hehe! Luckily, not with Willis.. hehe! (When I had 2 big bruises months ago, my brother named one of them, Bruce and my friend Don, named the other one Willis. haha!)

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There were also a lot of unexpected things in the quest of this "godly" degree! (rolling eyes) We were supposed to have our health assessment activity in the Emergency Room for a month but our instructor changed our area. I was supposed to be assigned in the Medical ICU with Eunice, my classmate who is also a staff nurse there but she was 'unexpectedly' called for a training in Cebu. At first, I expressed that it's kinda weird and sad that I'll be alone there. "Ahay, ako lang to ya isa? Alone ko ya?"...Then she went "Gaga! ara to si blah blah, etc., etc."... (me with a fake sad face) "Ti sige na lang eh! duwa na lang kamo to" muwahahahaha! So she just assigned Jelai with me. hehe! Talk about manipulation! haha! Joke!

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Another thing unexpected that afternoon is I kinda have a job and I have no choice but to say yes. For Ms. Timay, it was not an offer, it was a command! haha! "Nagay na da! Indi ka na kapangindi!" So, I am now a research assistant. Such an etchos job title! All we just have to do is interview the respondents using the tool of the researcher. The compensation? 100 pesos per hour! haha! Happy times! Now I have the money to..... hihihihi! It's just a sideline but it's worth it since I will also be at the Medical ICU doing my stuff that time and the respondents will be the significant others of clients in the ICU. It will be just like getting paid while killing time..hehe!

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So, that's L.I.F.E., as my weekend presents it everyone!

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Enjoy life and just be happy. Just be.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening to: Let Me Be Your Wings by Thumbelina

Cough, Sneeze, Sniff, Sneeze!!

I have a bad flu since Saturday. But I feel better now compared to yesterday. The tissue roll and alcohol were my best friends yesterday. I consumed 1 roll of tissue from sneezing badly the whole day! Talk about sneeze marathon! My brother was knocked down by the flu also. We both got fever. He theorized that the reason why I was sick is because I don't have a boyfriend. Negative energies are all over my body! hahaha! Sick, but can still manage to tease me and attempt to trip me over when I went to the toilet! haha!

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Some people here are starting to get sore throat also. Uh oh.. A couple of my friends has the flu. 10 of JJ's classmates were also absent today because they are all sick! Tsk, tsk..

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There's no denying that Swine Flu also came into my mind. However, I think that people just thought of it as really something big that every flu is likely to be Swine Flu. It's overrated and it's making people very paranoid. But then again, better safe than sorry. hehe!

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I still feel feverish now and my dizziness is intermittent. My tummy aches due to coughing. Ugh! hate this feeling! but at least I'm not sneezing anymore. hehe!

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Let's just hope we get well soonish!

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Love and Bliss!

Store-bought Memories

Being a bum at home, has left you no choice, has it?! I just don't like wrong timings. Well, being called over to our store is always a wrong timing. hehe! I don't know why I haven't grown affection to manage that little nook in Calle Real. Since I was little, I was really hesitant to go there and help out even if it was summer days. The only consolation I had before was extra money. haha! Well, maybe because we are not obligated to tend the store, unlike some of my Chinese classmates, who until now, does some tasks around their store. I, particularly, have been pushed (or is always pushed) but not obligated.

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Right now, I am the go-to man to close up the store if ever my parents had to go early. I always froen at that thought. I don't like it. I never did. (Oh God! Why do I feel like my Grandma will kill me for saying this! haha! Pls., don't pop out of your picture in the altar and stranggle me here.hehehe!) Being here at home most of the time has left me no choice. For every time that I am called up, I feel like I am frantically recalling how to liquidate the cash registers! (Read here to remember the story. It's on the bottom part.) I hate how I always sneeze when I'm there because of all the dust in that tiempo betamax of a place! Simply put it this way: I have not grown affection to our business.

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And so, all I do there is sit at Mama's chair and wait until the cashiers are ready for liquidation. And while I sit, either I read the papers or go treasure hunting in Mama's drawer. I have grown a fascination on bundles of pens because of it. When you get to open Mama's drawer, you can see a lot of pens! Different ones, all from different brands and sources. The last time I dug in there, I brought home a CD Marker. haha! I always toyed with those pens, checking if they work, checking if what color it is or just simply look at the designs and brands. hehe! And since it is very hot and humid in there, I prefer to stay inside where I can have the electic fan all by myself. And suprisingly, hearing the wind blow right though your ears can be nice and refelective. Now you know how bored I am! haha! Another thing that I caught myself doing is riffling the notepads in the desk. (I had a hard time Googling the term 'riffle' until I got it right! haha! Don't know how to describe thumbing through the pads.) It can be pretty amusing though. hehe! Well, wierd as I am, I always thumb through my paperback novels and smell them, so the notepad isn't an exception. I didn't smell it though. Imagine the dust! It would kill me!

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I also hate it when people think you've got no problem with money just because you're Chinese or because your business had stood up a name because it is one of the oldest establishments in the City. I hate listening to every word of it! And besides, I was raised thinking I haven't got all the money in the world! Heck! I don't even manage a bank account or an ATM. But, I like money, I just don't like doing store business with it. haha!

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On another light, there are still things worth remembering. When I was still in Hwa Siong, our store has been a safe haven for me. As long as I get there after dismissal, I know I'm OK. Not to mention the unlimited supplies for school. I never experienced going school-supplies-shopping. All I do is "call and they deliver." haha! School stuff has been always within reach for me, and that alone has made my life easier. I also remember a time when we got a hang of eating merienda after we got out of school. Mama has them ready when we got there. Then the three of us, together with my sister would crowd the button booth inside our store then pig out right there so that the clients and agents wouldn't see us and more so, wouldn't disturb us. haha! Our "menu" would run from a simple bread to meat rolls to burgers and even sweet, chili and saucy chicken wings with rice and drinks! Thank God for Jolibee! haha!

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As I sit there in Mama's chair, I remembered all these things. Being there is not so bad after all. I'm the COO of the store, for crying out loud! I should learn to love it, right? (gag. gag. puke. gag. haha!) That evening, I didn't expect Mama to hand over my "consolation". She gave me extra cash. Haha! I feel like a little voice in my head was saying "ooohh...i like..." and the child store helper in me was quite awakened. haha! But it still doesn't erase the fact that I don't like it there, most especially if I am called and not needed, even if I am the COO. haha!

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and P.S. COO is not Chief Operating Officer, it's more like, Child Of the Owner...hahaha!

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On another note, it has been almost a month that I haven't blogged. It's hard to be idle for a long time. It's like words have to be warmed up in order to get out of your brain. Nevertheless, its good to be back! Hello blogosphere!

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Love and Bliss! (I almost forgot to place this. It has been a looong time, indeed!)

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Listening To: If We Hold on Together by Diana Ross!

For Kai (sniff, sniff..)

Yup..I also never knew to what extent 25 pages of colored cut cartolina can affect my life. But I was beyond happy to share it with my Royal Sissies. This entry could have been an email, but I decided to publish it as a blog mainly because I cannot deny what will be the heart of these words and most importantly, the beauty of our friendship.

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Yesterday was an emotional torture. I was annoyed, irked and was impatient that our Royal Christmas Party-turned-Flores de Mayo did not turn out as it was supposed to be. It was over in a bat of an eyelash. Heck! We didn't even had a group shot! But nevertheless, vexation could not be on my head upon seeing the four of you, the crown still prevailed on high.

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I arrived home looking at my new books. I almost forgot I tucked your letter inside. As I read it, tears streamed on my cheeks from the second paragraph until the rest of the night. I know it was an emotionally-light letter. But I cannot help myself most especially that I was hormon-ey, and "emotional unstable" as Queencie also is. haha!

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I always say, "People Always Leave" because it happens to me all the time. It always hurt because those people leaving are always one of the closest in my heart. Until now, I cannot decipher the reason why. They say, when people live, we die a little. I won't deny that I will die a little. But I promise you it will be just a little, a tiny bit even. I will really try to maintain it at that.

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I can assure you that I will miss you, badly if ever. I will miss having YM chats and frequent Plurk replies. I will miss going nuts for an online book find and deciding what to buy or what not to buy. I will miss going out to malls, occasionally seeing a movie, sipping coffee or even having our usual unhealthy snacks. I won't forget the overly heated room of your which is as messy as mine.

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But what i can promise you more that I've assured you is we will get over this. We wont hold calls or texts barred. We will still be updating each other no matter how bitchy our teachers are or how hard lessons will be or even how messy and tragic and whatever-you-call-it our love lives are. Stash of peperworks can be set aside for royal calls. We could still reserve a seat for you if we go out in Coffee Break, McDo or Chowking if you want! hahaha! I would even keep my room messy para patas ta! hahaha! Going to Manila and studying Dentistry isn't such a bad thing as being exiled to Madagascar. Beyond the tears that are clouding my eyes right now is the hope that the other end of the People Always Leave quote will come. You are one of the few that I trust to "come back", and I mean come back whole and the same as you used to be. I will hold on to that letter that the memories in our diary won't stop at that. Ipaship kun dapat ipaship!

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I know I might sound overly acting. It's not like you will be staying there forever. It's not like you are dying or I am(knock on the hardest wood). You will just be "visiting" Manila. But this stupid "leaving" thing is making me vulnerable again, rather making us vulnerable. All of us had shed a tear about this upcoming circumstance. Kulang na lang, we will have a tear compact instead of blood compact! hahaha!

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I won't be here tomorrow for lunch. I will be in Bacolod the whole day. I will come to accept it that this is the "weaning thing"..Grr! But I still hope to see you on Monday with Queencie. No Goodbyes. Just hellos for what lies ahead.

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Love you Bestie and Royal Sissy!

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PS. Send me your complete address in Manila, I might want to ship my online buys there to save shipping...haha! Ubos na kwarta ko sa libro! Apir ta!

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Love and Bliss!

Cebu-Bohol Trip 2009

This was such a fun vacation for our family! At first, I was really excited since this is like the first vacation we had that is like a guessing game. No one knew when to leave, what we'll ride, where we'll stay or go! haha! Only 2-3 people know..We even knew that we were leaving at 1 am the next day during dinner time! haha! We were just tagging along and going with the flow..

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We were supposed to leave Bacolod City at 1 am but the van arrived at 2. We loaded the van and went off to San Carlos City after a 2 hour drive. We took the Don Salvador Benedicto route from Bacolod to San Carlos. The road was zig-zaggy and the can wast fast so most of us got queasy and nauseated. hehe! We arrived at the barge and boarded the ship. Even if we are sleepy, photos can still be managed. haha! Camera whores!

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We arrived at around 7 am in Toledo City. We had breakfast at Jolibee then off we went to the hotel in Cebu City. I cannot even remember the hotel's name! All I know that it has a "Crown" on it since we were talking about how everything has a "Crown" on it..haha! queen city of the south thingy... I just took a quick bath then we were off to a buffet lunch in The Majestic.

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Had buffet lunch, Went to Ayala Mall, but we felt like we were fighting our eyelids open! I feel like my steps are flying because of drowsiness! We went back to the hotel to recharge. At around 6 pm, we went to Tops (the highest point in Cebu where you can see the city..It's the first time that I watched a fireworks display while looking down!) We also tried the Skywalk Adventure that night in Crown Regency Hotel and Towers after we had dinner at a dimsum resto. We walked around at the edge of the tower (the highest in the country with 40 stories). It was fun but bitin! I want one more round! I was with Micay, Flip and JJ.

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We did not get to ride the edge coaster.. =( The price was extortion! It was quite expensive and "commercialized" for lack of a better term. The fee included an entrance fee + the ride + snacks. We also paid for these photos to be burned in a CD. If only we knew, we would have gotten more shots for the photos.

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Nevertheless, we all had exhilarating fun!!

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Judging from the photos, you'll see who's the fearless and the scared-y cat..haha!

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We went island hopping in Mactan the next day..We had a good laugh when Papa Lo demonstrated the "proper use" of the life vest! hahaha! He wore it upside down! haha!Not to mention the lost slippers replaced by "Gladiators"..haha!

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"Tabuni imo dulunggan" (while holding his nose) hahaha!

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"Ang Yate ni Yoyoy Wowowee!"

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After the island hopping (I remembered someone having an upset stomach everytime we island hop...hehehe!), we took at dip at the clubhouse pool at Tita Nida's subdivision. She was our guide when we were in Cebu. We didn't get to swim in the island so we took a swim in the pool instead. After a quick meal, off we went to the barge again for our trip to Bohol.

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View our Cebu photos here.

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The ship, a very init and gin-ot and maarte one, left at 12 midnight. We were itching to go down to the van ang sleep there after the ticket inspection. We were like sardines, all 15 of us, in the van! haha! At around 3-4 am, we made a stop and all I can hear were laughs and complains that they are hungry and want some coffee. They can't even close the door of the van for like 5 attempts! hahaha! Gutom nga Toyota! As for me?! I just took 1 Pan de Sal and ate it while my eyes were shut! haha! Then, I'm alsleep again. I can even feel that my mouth is open while sleeping! I think we got stage 1 pressure sores!

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The next opening of my eyes, I can hear them asking for directions to Cebu Diving Resort. Then later on, they realized that it was supposed to be Bohol Divers Resort! hahaha! How can you find something that isn't there?! hahaha! Upon arriving at the Resort, I took a quick nap before the tour.

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We went on a tour that morning. We stopped by the monument of the blood compact in Bohol. We also visited their old church. We were wearing sleeveless shirts so we were not allowed to go in without a shawl to cover our shoulders. I was even wearing shorts and slippers. Yikes! But it was nice to know that they are still strict with church attire.

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After which, we visited Prony, a humongous python. We were very much entertained with Mari Mar who gave us a short background of Prony and sang to us! haha! View the video here. She looks like Michael V. hehe!

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Then off we go to the River Boat ride. We ate our buffet lunch there. It was like a floating restaurant. In the afternoon, we went to the Chocolate Hills and see the tarsiers. Too bad, they don't allow handling of the tarsiers anymore.. =(

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That night, we took a swim in the resort pool before eating dinner. We were supposed to eat at the restaurant but Tito Vic called us up that we will be eating outside. We ate at a barbeque sidewalk resto. I has one of the funniest dinners ever courtesy of Kobe! haha! We interviewed him about school stuffs and as Bill Cosby says, "kids say the darnest things!"..haha! 11+11=? Kobe: 23, Micay: 21! hahahaha!

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View our Bohol pics here.

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On the fourth day, we went home from Bohol to Bacolod via Dumaguete.

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Took a picture on the SPC sisters landmark. So much for the Alma Mater stuff..hahaha! Had pizza and pasta at Why Not? The food was delish!

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We felt like our stomachs were about to explode as we return to the van. It was a super bumpy and bouncy ride home. It felt like the whole Negros were on rocks! We arrived home at 11 pm, with tired minds, tired souls, we slept.

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View our Dumaguete photos here.

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This is my first vacation since I was a kid that I am with my extended family. It was super duper fun! Nothing beats travelling with your family that you will definitely know that you will have the greatest time! Looking forward for more vacations! Go Ma-oy Toyota! haha!

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The Bakasyonistas: Mama, Papa, Shoti, Me, Tito Vic, Tita Tata, Micay, Flip, Tito Bert, Tita Neneng, Tita Inday, Tito Bebe, Papa Lo, Tita Els and Kobe

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P.S. Tita Inday was bullied by our Papas the entire trip! haha! She's the oldest among the senior citizens! haha!

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Love and Bliss!

The Meantime Girl

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”. You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

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She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real” woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

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But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

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She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

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She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

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found this in Nang Maane's blog several months ago. I just forgot to post it everytime..hehe! I loved this post. It's so in-your-face! haha! Oh well, I'd rather be a meantime girl than a good time girl...

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Love and Bliss!

Pure Perfection...

Today was the season finale of One Tree Hill Season 6. It was just pure beauty and perfection!! I loved every minute of it and I was crying the whole time!! Yes, the whole 41 minutes of it! I always cry when watching the previous episodes but this is the first time that I cried during the entire episode. This is Tree Hill at its beauty and finest!

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Lucas carrying Peyton in the hospital...Washing his hands and looking at his wedding ring...Friends coming to his side one by one...Lucas holding baby Scott...Julian bringing magazines to Brooke...Peyton waking up...Karen holding the baby and handing it to Peyton...Nathan joining the Bobcats...Haley hugging Nathan for making it...Jamie hugging his dad for making it...Karen talking to Lucas in the front porch...Chase and Mia...Mouth and Milly...Whitey hugging Dan...Victoria having a change of heart...Brooke talking to Peyton...Peyton naming her daughter Sawyer Brooke...Brooke and Julian kissing under the lighted trees...Nathan, Haley and Jamie walking in the Bobcats' court...Lucas driving the Comet...Peyton seeing the Comet....Them driving off with Sawyer Brooke at the end...They even made voice overs at the end of the episode..It was just beyond what my heart can handle! It was pure bliss and perfection!

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I just wonder how the hell will Mark Schwann, the writer/producer, outdo himself on the 7th season now that Chad Michael Murray (Lucas) and Hilarie Burton (Peyton) won't be part of the show anymore. This episode should just be the end of it all! This, I believe, should be the final-final season finale. Today's episode was just soo encompassing that it was beyond beauty! It was perfection!! It was just the realization of all their dreams. And with Whitey and Karen appearing back on the show, you couldn't ask for more!

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AAaaaaaaahhhhhh! I cannot contain my emotions! It was during lunch time that I watched it and until now, I still feel it! I watched it twice and still got teary eyed the second time around! I cannot believe I am "over reacting" now. But One Tree Hill is the only show that could make me do this. I am going ga-ga over OTH!! And I won't deny it! I don't care what people say. When something touches you, you have to affirm it. hehe! It is a beautiful, beautiful show that touched every fiver of my being. And I'm sure all you Tree Hill fans out there would agree. This show not only touches a part of you but it gratifies your whole sense of self! I can't get enough of it!!!!

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I am just sad that Lucas and Peyton won't be seen next season. The season ender did not even give a definite goodbye to them. Unless, driving off is symbolic. But I'm still hoping for a guest appearance...huhuhuhu!!! I am going sentimental for days now. I even cried one night. I am thinking about the many friendships that I started and formed just because of this show and mainly because of Lucas Scott and Peyton Sawyer. To my OTH buddies...Manang Kim, Marian, Flora, Gem and some others whom I "OTH-ed".... (sniff, sniff..) It is not over until we place a period. "Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do."

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haaay..One Tree Hill...I will love you forever!! I will even make my kids watch it! haha! This is the show that I can relate mostly. Not only on the "people always leave" part but mostly on the genuine friendship and relationship formed with friends and families. I just see life in all its matter, form and beauty in it! It really shows you the fullness of the drama that is life. I can barely believe that it has been 6 years and the next season would probably be the last...huhuhu!

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One Tree Hill is love...bliss..beauty..and life!

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There can only be One Tree Hill...and it is your home... Always and Forever... ;- (

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Love and Bliss!

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Listening To: Two Words by Lea Salonga