A Cacophony of Nothingness

I can barely believe that it had been one whole year that I am a nurse, a professional bum for that matter. Last July 24 marked 365 days of unemployment and career misdirection. Yes, I had made a few bucks with my online shop but nothing close to having a career with my license on hand and at stake.

.

Though I am currently pursuing Graduate Studies, I am still constantly bumped by the questions, "Now what?", "What happens next?", "Is this all you can do for a productive time?" Yes, I am a full time student. I usually spend my weekdays finishing paper works due on weekends. But that was last semester. This time, I am quite relaxed with requirements. My current subjects does not require endless paperworks yet. This time, we are more on lectures and paperworks will come towards the end of the semester. The big shebang would be my research proposal for my thesis, which I haven't had a final thought of. I am currently on the pursuit of my 33rd unit. The Masters program has 46 units. That means, I have to finish 2 subjects in the second semester, take my comprehensive examinations possibly in the summer then finish my thesis by October next year. Well, on the optimist point of view, it will be just 1 year more for me to get the coveted MAN degree. But come to think of it. It will be another 365 days of unemployment and bumness.

.

You may say that getting a job is the solution to this bumness. But you see, a job as a nurse is not the easiest thing. It's much more easier to pass the boards than to look for a job. Plus, if I stop being full time in my masters, when will I graduate? Let alone another semester? So as much as I also wanted to be one of those hospital nurses, I think I have to be realistic enough and focus in my direction. Although, at times, I can't really help but refer to myself as unproductive. Getting up in the morning late enough not to have breakfast, Plurking, Tweeting, chatting and doing some homeworks. That's my typical day lately.

.

I really wanted to do more. But I don't want to make the same mistake again of rushing into things and falling short of a flop. I've learned a lesson early on and have come to realize and accept the consequences. This is where career misdirection # 1 took place. Original Plan: Apply, Review and Take NCLEX.... Evilness: long story..refer to previous blog entry .... Rebound Plan: Take up Masters. Until now, I have not applied for NCLEX. I have placed it low on my to-do list. After all, America is just there; just there preparing herself again, building up bucks, getting ready for me.. (bwahahaha!)

.

Lately, my book whore soul has been awakened. Buying books really comfort me. I don't know but maybe this is my subconscious taking her throne. This career stressor has been bugging me and maybe I do need comfort. And what better way to ease it that buying books. I told myself that I won't buy again for this year since there are a lot of titles waiting for me to be read. It looks like I hoard books now rather than collecting them. I just bought 2 titles this week and I may buy another one, or two soon. Hay life! It's really a dog-eat-dog out there! Maybe I just really need a breather even if my life seems a breeze now. Hanging in the air can also be tiring. Thoughts bug your head.

.

So this is my life in a year, darlings... Not as productive as others but I can be contented. Though I can't deny that I don't have to rush work since this household's daily needs is sustained, I still want my own career path. I still want my own success. Oh well, one step at a time, right? I always say, I have to finish my Master's Degree so I'll just go straight. Anyway, once I have it, it would be like my all seasons VIP pass to employment. So, let's just wait and see. No rushing.

.

Right now, I am a research assistant (career misdirection #2..hahahaha!)... At least it's an additional compensation for me. I see it as my practice job..hehe! Giving your all, satisfying people... and all that jazz!

.

Yes, the future is super scary for me but I'm definitely looking forward to it! Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be blogging about my ramblings and complaints on how tasky thesis writing is. Because hopefully, it just means I can finish and graduate in October 2010.

.

P.S. Congratulations to the Angeli Illuminati Christi for having a 100% passing rate in the June 2009 Exams! The results were released on July 25, exactly 1 year and 1 day after we got ours.

.

Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

Weekend: L.I.F.E. in a Nutshell

This was one of those giddy, flowy and just plain good weekends I had. And as the hours unfold, I found myself inside one of those cartoon tents in which it's just an ordinary thing outside but impossibly big inside wherein it's close to a palace already. (Seen it?) I felt like that was my Saturday and Sunday, ordinary routine but I had a glimpse of what I think is the entirety of life, as we know it.

.

• L.- Love and Lost

Last Sunday was a family and friends day. Apart from not having enough sleep that night, I had lunch with Kai and Queencie. Kai was home for the weekend for the burial of her lolo, and evil as I am, I immediately thought that we should meet up, for old time's sake.. hehe! And we did! It was a lighter and happier mood this time, unlike the day she left for Manila that I felt like our eyes were wells of tears! haha! This time, we were in our usual crazy-happy mood catching up on little details of our topsy turvy and as much as I don't wanna say it, separate lives. =( It swells my heart reliving moments like these. We had quite a lengthy chat about school, friends, life, love, lost, and a little gossip won't hurt too. hehe! Speaking of lost, how can one thing be lost if not yet found?! Well, Queencie had her share. hihi! Now, it's safe to say, that 4 Royalty Girls are very much single and available! haha! Hmmm...makes me wonder, maybe the royal standards are just too high that "commoners" can hardly stand it... hahahaha! Love is what it is, darlings.. We just have to put extra value in it to make it secure and worthwhile.. Right, girls? haha!

.

After our short lunch date, I went home so that we could get ready to hear mass. Afterwhich, we had our usual Sunday Eat-outs. It was kind of a different mood while we're eating. We talked about fun and a lot of different stuffs that night; school, work, modus operandis, the 1920's debut we attended the day before, and even another botched up wedding (tsk tsk). See? Life is about love and lost here. I just love my family and friends. They are my home. Boyfriend? Coming soon... (hahaha!)

.

• I.- Imperfection Intervention

Human as we are, we're dressed and stuffed by imperfections. Over the last week, I was annoyed by someone and this person's habit of being so indifferent on things of important concern. And I am not the only one who had felt the offense. I talked about this thing to persons whom I can seek affirmation and/or validation regarding my reactions to this, and more or less, they agreed because they have also experienced it, same person and not. What we agreed upon is that we had never understood why that person acts that way and a big block is that the reason was never always verbalized.. Oh well! Whatever. And as we talk about the "love that was lost", we also agreed that he needs to find himself first before he could go on. Bottom line, we need change. We cannot be just who we are because we may not be aware that we are already pissing someone's head off! Change for the better, darlings...

.

• F.- Finding Happiness, Enjoyment and Meaning

Almost anyone will agree that life is only worthwhile if you are happy, enjoying and finding meaning in everything. I has happy this weekend, I definitely enjoyed and everything almost had its meaning. Although, there are just some things quite irrelevant and pointless but you can;t help to find meaning and enjoy it. My Grad School classes were good last Saturday. We had no class on Advanced Statistics to start off. hehe! I was also kinda surprised myself that I think I grew an interest in Research. Our Research class was really good this time, simple but to the point. And as usual, classes with Ms. Junsay are a blast!

.

After class, I got home and got ready for Fritzie's Roaring 1920's debut party. (see video here) It was a fun, fun, fun party! Probably the best one I've ever been too! Almost everyone was in their 1920's attire, including us of course. If I has known that the prize for best costume is an iPod Shuffle, I should have stepped it up.. haha! It was also my first time to wine and dine on the fullest of a full course meal! Chef Gene Gonzales prepared the super sumptuous meal! (He's the one who cooked for Juday and Ryan's wedding) I loved the main course , Beef Steak with Truffle best! The dessert was merengue with berry glaze and Ylang Ylang cream sauce. It was my first time to taste a flower! haha! Delish! Smells good too! Each course was served with fine wines shipped from Manila. The Torrontes and Moscatel (award winning one) were stocked out and served there. So, those wines cannot be found anywhere in the country but there at the party. Nice! I think I've had 4 little rounds of 3 different kinds that night. The food really does taste good if paired with the perfect wine. I just wish I was a wine monster so that I could drink more. haha! I also loved the program. There was a service and a small coming out ceremony at the beginning. I absolutely love when the family danced the Tango! I was also fascinated by the dancers who did the Charleston. A lover of all things old and classic, that was my kind of party! Whoever said money can't buy happiness is correct. But money can definitely buy enjoyment, a whole heap of it!

.

• E. - Expect the Unexpected

We went home after the party that night. And as I went down the stairs, something happened! haha! I slipped and fell down a step or two! Gosh! haha! Must have been the wine?! hahaha! Even as I stood up my feet were crossed! haha! A couple of guests saw me, but who cares?! People fell down stairs always! It's not a one-in-a-million sight! haha! But my brother has that disgusted look on his face! boo hoo! The morning after, I saw a bruise on my hand. Bruce, my bruise is back! hehe! Luckily, not with Willis.. hehe! (When I had 2 big bruises months ago, my brother named one of them, Bruce and my friend Don, named the other one Willis. haha!)

.

There were also a lot of unexpected things in the quest of this "godly" degree! (rolling eyes) We were supposed to have our health assessment activity in the Emergency Room for a month but our instructor changed our area. I was supposed to be assigned in the Medical ICU with Eunice, my classmate who is also a staff nurse there but she was 'unexpectedly' called for a training in Cebu. At first, I expressed that it's kinda weird and sad that I'll be alone there. "Ahay, ako lang to ya isa? Alone ko ya?"...Then she went "Gaga! ara to si blah blah, etc., etc."... (me with a fake sad face) "Ti sige na lang eh! duwa na lang kamo to" muwahahahaha! So she just assigned Jelai with me. hehe! Talk about manipulation! haha! Joke!

.

Another thing unexpected that afternoon is I kinda have a job and I have no choice but to say yes. For Ms. Timay, it was not an offer, it was a command! haha! "Nagay na da! Indi ka na kapangindi!" So, I am now a research assistant. Such an etchos job title! All we just have to do is interview the respondents using the tool of the researcher. The compensation? 100 pesos per hour! haha! Happy times! Now I have the money to..... hihihihi! It's just a sideline but it's worth it since I will also be at the Medical ICU doing my stuff that time and the respondents will be the significant others of clients in the ICU. It will be just like getting paid while killing time..hehe!

.

So, that's L.I.F.E., as my weekend presents it everyone!

.

Enjoy life and just be happy. Just be.

.

Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

.

Listening to: Let Me Be Your Wings by Thumbelina