ALONE
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"We could be a beautiful, unbelievable miracle instead of just invisible..Like shadows of a faded light..I am invisible..." --- Invisible by Taylor Swift
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This line from Taylor's song makes me just nod and smile in agreement. At times i feel like this shadow of faded light. I am alone. I wake up every morning, get to work on my laptop, chat for a few hours, watch a little TV then sleep. That's how solo my everyday bore is. Even my cellphone is mistaken for a mute since it seldom beeps messages from friends keeping in touch. And I mean REAL keeping in touch not just the usual forwarded quotes.
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A little more years to come then maybe I can be a hermit; detached from the social world. (hehe!) But then again, maybe I am just born to be in this state. Even my relaxation oddity involves listening to old songs, reading a good book or writing. The point? They are solitary activities! How anti-social of me. Which made me think, maybe I am this evil witch who is killing every social scene there is in my past life, that's why I maybe "cursed" in this state. Its not that I refuse company. I love company. But I feel like there's this invisible force shield that I have yet to break (or maybe they should break).
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LONELY
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I'm single. Need I say more? 21 years of love life as clean as a pure white sheet of paper with no littlest piece of dust in it. (Told ya..Stupid Cupid is cruel on me.) I believe in destiny, soulmates, serendipity and all things love but skeptical as me, will it ever happen in real life? Will my ideals transform into teeny bits of reality?People always ask when will the right man come along? as for me, the question remains the same, will just a guy ever come along?? Unlucky me, Shallow Hals outnumber Lucas Scotts. You can read my post on From Bridesmaid to Beachbabe for its entirety...just click the link.
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FORLORN
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Aahh...The classic People Always Leave....By now, if you have traversed the entire Patches of Frecklesnoot journey (which I doubt you have), you may find out that I am the only one in my world which has the most monotonous routine of all-- be left and left alone. Oh yeah..People leave when i feel close to them. It's how cruel life can get. You get attached then it breaks you off. "Sometimes they come back"...I interpret that line along with the fact that even if they come back, they are not just the same as they left off. It's only "sometimes" that they are still the same person that they used to be. But then again, it's not their fault. Leaving where they want to go is the best thing to do. And I'm with them.
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Not only that, I also realized that cousins of my generation are also mostly working abroad now. When Mama celebrated her birthday, most titas told me that "wala na di mga kabatch mo ho..ara na tanan sa gwa..dugay dugay ikaw naman"
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There's nothing more hurtful than being left invisible. People might think you're fine that's why they don't bother to greet, invite, call, ask, give or just to be with. Little did they know that you want them to BOTHER. Its hard to explain. But maybe I just need the security of friends to find its way for everything to be back or to be the way it is. Or on second thought, I just want to feel that they need me too.
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Love and bliss frecklesnoots!
5 comments:
Hey, don't worry..I totally get what you mean about being solitary/anti-social and having a boring routine life almost everyday. Amo man ko na di laban subong. There are even days when I don't spend more than an hour outdoors. Diri lng gd ko laban sa sulod balay and ang lingaw ko lng gd is the internet..and American Idol and our other favorite shows. hehe
The positive thing about this is that we know how to entertain ourselves without depending on others. hehe Ang iban cguro nag bu-ang na given that they're in our shoes in our current situations.
Cge lang, hang on there.. God has a plan for us. :-) And as what other people always tell me, cherish these free times (even though it can get really boring and lonely) because once you start working, you'll miss these free, solitary moments.
P.S. Mabakasyon ta kung makapuli ko da. Boracay again or biskan Guimaras lng or where ever!
Micay: oh yeah! totally! amo man ko na diri..internet, American Idol and all our favorite shows and since One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl is on hiatus again, mas lonely na gid! huhu!
yah..God has a plan for us..cge lng..months or years from now, we will waddle in work, so yeah, let's make the best out of this..hehe!
looking forward to go Fly Fishing in Boracay! haha! ginadumtan gid ya bala hw! balikan ta to dayon ang duyan for "Lick Lick"! hahaha!
i know it's untherapeutic for me to say "maybe it's not yet time" (stereotyping), but, i guess this would be the time wer in u cud say ds is d tym u need to master urself. u think u knw urself already? coz if u do know urself, u wudnt bother to realize that 'we' (i wud like to include myself as well) are in this situation, 'alone, lonely, forlorn.' Let's juz put it this way, this wud b the tym to strengthen our 'art ov being alone', which means, having company is good, but without it, we are still able to function as we are. Ask urself, how many people do u know that used to have a lot friends still have d same happiness when he/she was left alone in the end? You know wat i mean. (i know ur cullenizing me agen hehehe). To 'cut' my darn explanation short...Being with company or being alone, either way is good, nothing to lose, 'best ov both worlds' hehehe
"Let's juz put it this way, this wud b the tym to strengthen our 'art ov being alone', which means, having company is good, but without it, we are still able to function as we are. Ask urself, how many people do u know that used to have a lot friends still have d same happiness when he/she was left alone in the end?"
Totally agree with what D'Don has to say. I am proud that I can function well without having to see and go out with friends for a while, even for a few months! It's not that we don't need friends, we do. It's just that we cannot depend our entire happiness and the way we function in our lives in having them. If there's such thing, we can be candidates for a Master degree in The Art of Being Alone. hehe It's not a bad thing, it's just a part of life. ;-)
well, yah..alone time is good..it's just that when you are at that moment, there is this thick shadow that blinds you to see the light in it. I am also proud that I can stand being alone here. And sometimes is really feels good to be with yourself for a while, and Nong Don is right-- you get time to master yourself. haha! Masters of Art of Being Alone! haha! dapat may certificate na ta da nga tatlo! haha!
and maybe we can regard ourselves in the end as better persons since we can find happiness in solitary or in company. in the end, we are still what we are...BUMS! haha! joke! we are just happy with what was and what is..and looking forward for what will be...
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