A Day in the Critical Care Unit

I would like to tell people how I assessed my fourth client today using the same tool and how I am getting a hang of it already. I would like to tell them how difficult it is to assess a client who cannot speak because of an Endotracheal tube and can only communicate through gestures and writing. But instead, I want to tell them how distressing it is to be conscious and feeling the discomfort of tubes attached to your body, how frustrating it is to try to speak but you just can’t, to try to be understood but could not completely be.

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I would also like to tell people how student nurses can at times be inefficient in the area, how surprisingly; they haven’t completely mastered some of the basics such as abbreviations used in the diagnosis and they still need to hone their skills and time management more. I would like them to know that I saw a seizure episode but I am was sure if it really is. I would like to tell them how we failed to get the air bubbles out of the IV tubing and felt so small after our preceptor showed us a simple trick and successfully got rid of the bubbles in a bat of an eyelash. But instead, I would tell them how hard it is to supervise five students and how big the responsibility of a clinical instructor is. I want to tell them of the pressure that one feels to be always on top of the game, to be always ahead of the others and to impart to them all that you have for them to become better and inspire them to be. I realized how hard it is to make sure you are better than the students so that you won’t feel embarrassed that you are not any other different than them. I want to tell them that I can’t help but think if we were also like that when we were senior students in the area. I would like to tell people that I have also tried to do the trick to get the bubbles out and successfully did. I would tell them I learned something new, no matter how simple it is. I learned.

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I would also like to tell people how I watched a patient die today. I would like to tell them that I was hesitant at first to assert that I would like to try doing CPR up to the point that it was misinterpreted that I don’t want to. I would like them to know that my forearms hurt from Ambu bagging and CPR takes my breath away, literally. But instead, I would want to tell people how I felt hope during every chest compression that I made, how I tried to straighten my elbows and pushed my weight on him and how I watched every quiver of his heart from the heart monitor. I would like to tell them that I saw this client for a month now since I started being a research assistant and I saw how his physical condition deteriorate. I was planning to assess him as my fifth client before he stepped in the line of death. I would like to tell them how hard it is to decide for the life of a young man, a man who has his own story to tell, a man who will leave those stories with the many people who is significant to him. I would like to tell them of the moment when his girlfriend held his hand and encouraged him to listen to her and to fight. I was not sure if it broke everybody’s heart but it sure left a sting on mine. I watched tracings on his heart monitor, trying to decipher what ECG reading it is but I can’t. I don’t know how. All I know is every quiver signifies hope. Every quiver means life.

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Such is life. Lines are not always straight. Poems do not always rhyme. Maybe life is just about shockwaves and quivers because it is not perfect. It should not be. Life would only be perfect if those quivers end up as flat lines, because it is then that we will know, we are in better hands.

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Expect the unexpected. This is a day inside a critical care unit.

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Love and Bliss!

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August 26, 2009

The Big Bang Three-ory

• BIG BANG 1: Money, Money, Money..Must be funny..In a rich man's world..

Got my first salary last August 7!! Being a research assistant is good. I get to learn a lot and anticipate what will be in store for me as I conduct my own thesis in the following semesters. Loved it! I did not expect that I will me given my first compensation that day. I thought it would be on the end of the month when everything is finished. I was just hiding my smiles when she handed it over me..hehe! yipee! Until now, I haven't figured out what to buy with my first pay. But I am happy that I will be able to give part of it as my tithe in church.

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Another thing, last weekend, I received the biggest Ang Pao amount ever! 5 digits, baby! It was given by Papa's client. She also gave my siblings the same amount. Richness! haha! I haven't even met her. I just know that she owns good businesses here and in Bacolod. I really gasped upon seing the amount. Upon handing the Ang Pao over and hearing Papa and Mama, I know it's a good amount but I did not expect that it was THAT big. I immediately thought of things to buy but then again, I realized in a snap that it was a cheque..hahaha! It will be just deposited in our accounts..Oh well, life is a blessing!

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• BIG BANG 2: Conquering the world, One Tree Hill at a time...

Look at what I've got! haha! After months of waiting and a night of vexation (hihi), finally, it's in my evil hands...(muwahaha!) Got to finish it the other night. I read it in just one sitting. It's like the prequel to One Tree Hill's Season 1. Not as interesting as the first season but I liked it anyway. Thanks to Don for buying us our poison! haha! Keep my two other drugs safe there with you for a while..hehe! I feel like I can never thank you enough for being such a konsintidor...hahaha! Thanks for a hefty supply of poison. Gosh, I am such a twit!

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• BIG BANG 3: Take everyday, one heart attack at a time.

The other week, I was informed that I may, I repeat, I may graduate in May 2010. HUWAATT?! How am I supposed to comply with all the darn requirements?! I thought I was supposed to complete the 2 remaining subjects next semester, take the comprehensive exams in the summer then complete my thesis by October next year. But apparently, I can complete the 2 subjects next semester, take the exams by March, and finish the thesis by summer. Talk about academic dumpster! Whew! So easy to hear, so much harder to do. Ugh! As long as there is enough oxygen in my system, everyday will just be transient ischemic attacks!

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening To: I'll Never Fall In Love Again by Elvis Costello

In The Sea of Yellow

Do we really have to wait for death to know and appreciate how remarkable a person is?

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In the light for Former President Corazon C. Aquino's death, I have come to realize that Cory did not do something extraordinary of political strength..She just goes to show that a man of virtue can lead..Yes, she may have initiated democracy but generally, she just kept the value of honesty, humility and spirituality to guide her steps. She really sees to it that when she serves, she gives it her all. She stoops down to the level of people for them to be able to reach out to her so that the people won't tire their necks looking up on authorities. She always thinks of the people before herself..even on the brink of death, because that's what she is, not what she's supposed to be.

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There are a lot of reasons to love yellow, and Cory is one. All Filipinos would definitely agree that she is one remarkable icon in history. Everybody is aware of this tragedy. But have you come to realize that not only this woman, who is close to the hearts of all Filipinos, has been struck by cancer? A man, who is known to all has been suffering longer. A man, who is the Filipino itself, Juan de la Cruz. As inspired by a column of Conrado de Quiros, I agree that a disease has spread in the nation; a disease of filth in its metastatic form. I am still in the state of wishful thinking that our political leaders would rise above themselves and emulate what a true leader Cory was. She was merely a housewife, but she has that willpower and advocacy to run a nation; a nation worthy of calling our own. Now, who could beat that?

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Undeniably, our nation has been so frustrating. Our leaders should hopefully find it in the light of Cory's death to change. We don't need all those facts and figures to appreciate that we can rise. All we need is to see a better change. Evil should be the means for love to come about and rule, and not to dissolve in invisibility.

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So, are we ready for Juan dela Cruz to die? Can we take it?

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Cory has been the epitome of a leader, a woman and a mother. And the sad fact is, she can't be a mother to Juan dela Cruz anymore. It should be us, the Filipino people, who should be responsible for nursing him back to health. The cancer may not be of metastatic filth anymore but a contagious cornucopia of peace, love and faith. Let us fight to save ourselves so that we may call this nation our own.

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Indeed, a lot is to be learned, appreciated and realized in death. A measure of a person can be known in death, on who he really is, in depth. Truly, President Aquino has lived a fair battle. Many wishes to celebrate a day in the year in her memorial, some wants to make a movie of her life, some even wants her to be a saint. What's next? A monument? As I quote Conrado de Quiros, "The only monuments that last forever are those you build in the heart."

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I agree.

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Love and Bliss Frecklesnoots!

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Listening To: Love of My Life by Jim Brickman